Dealing With Anger, Resistance And Pessimism | Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle discusses the decisive shift from identifying with a feeling and simply observing it in your energy field.
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Mark Twain’s Top 9 Tips for Living a Kick-Ass Life | Henrik Edberg

“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.”

You may know Mark Twain for some of his very popular books like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He was a writer and also a humorist, satirist and lecturer.

Twain is known for his many – and often funny – quotes. Here are a few of my favourite tips from him.

1. Approve of yourself.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.

This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.

What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.

Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.

So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.

2. Your limitations may just be in your mind.

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think.

And people pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself.

If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life.

It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.

3. Lighten up and have some fun.

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere.

And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.

4. Let go of anger.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person s/he’s angry at.

So even if you feel angry at someone for days recognize that you are mostly just hurting yourself. The other person may not even be aware that you are angry at him or her. So either talking to the person and resolving the conflict or letting go of anger as quickly as possible are pretty good tips to make your life more pleasurable.

5. Release yourself from entitlement.

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

When you are young your mom and dad may give a lot of things. As you grow older you may have a sort of entitlement. You may feel like the world should just give you what you want or that it owes you something.

This belief can cause a lot of anger and frustration in your life. Because the world may not give you what expect it to. On the other hand, this can be liberating too. You realize that it is up to you to shape your own life and for you to work towards what you want. You are not a kid anymore, waiting for your parents or the world to give you something.

You are in the driver’s seat now. And you can go pretty much wherever you want.

6. If you’re taking a different path, prepare for reactions.

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

I think this has quite a bit of relevance to self-improvement.

If you start to change or do something different than you usually do then people may react in different ways. Some may be happy for you. Some may be indifferent. Some may be puzzled or react in negative and discouraging ways.

Much of these reactions are probably not so much about you but about the person who said it and his/her life. How they feel about themselves is coming through in the words they use and judgements they make.

And that’s OK. I think it’s pretty likely that they won’t react as negatively as you may imagine. Or they will probably at least go back to focusing on their own challenges pretty soon.

So what other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind.

You may find that when you finally cross that inner threshold you created then people around you may not shun you or go chasing after you with pitchforks. They might just go: “OK”.

7. Keep your focus steadily on what you want.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”

What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else.

It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.

8. Don’t focus so much on making yourself feel good.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

This may be a bit of a counter-intuitive tip. But as I wrote yesterday, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good or to help them in some way.

This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people. You help someone and both of you feel good. The person you helped feels inclined to give you a hand later on since people tend to want to reciprocate. And so the both of you are feeling good and helping each other.

Those positive feelings are contagious to other people and so you may end up making them feel good too. And the help you received from your friend may inspire you to go and help another friend. And so the upward spiral grows and continues.

9. Do what you want to do.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Awesome quote. And I really don’t have much to add to that one. Well, maybe to write it down and keep it as a daily reminder – on your fridge or bathroom door – of what you can actually do with your life.

Please let me know what you think in the comments below! 

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Dealing With Anger, Resistance And Pessimism | Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle discusses the decisive shift from identifying with a feeling and simply observing it in your energy field. 

The real change comes from becoming aware of whatever is happening inside you... The anger is no longer you: the anger is anger, and you are the awareness.  You know it, you see it, you feel it, and there it is."

https://www.eckharttollenow.com

It's so great to get practical help on how to deal with anger.  Let me know know what you think below.

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Tips On Changing The Way You Feel | Tony Robbins

"Most people want to be happy but their habit is to be worried or frustrated or stressed," says motivational speaker Tony Robbins.

But changing that habit isn't as hard as you might think.

“We all want to be able to change the way we feel. Emotion is created by motion. The way you move determines the way you feel. I have this deal with myself called ‘priming.’ It’s ten minutes, I put music on , I do this massive change in my breathing and then I do this 3-step process,” said Robbins.

1. 3-minutes of gratitude—Think about 3 things I’m really greatful for.
2. 3-minute prayer for family and friends.
3. 3-minute process of the top 3 things I want to accomplish.

“My deal is 10 so there is no excuse not to do it,” said Robbins.

Let me know what you think below!

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You Have One Life. Live It. | Sherry McConkey | TEDxUniversityofNevada

After the tragic death of her husband Shane in 2009, Sherry McConkey had to change in order to continue to thrive. 

Shane McConkey, regarded as the most influential skier in the world, believed that if you have the courage to be authentic, anything is possible.  In this very authentic talk, Sherry discusses how the legacy of Shane empowers her daily to discover a new and better version of herself.

Let me know what you think below!

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Overcoming Negative Emotions and Boosting Motivation | Steve Pavlina

A negative emotional state can really ruin your day. Prolonged stress, depression, or anger are clearly not conducive to high levels of performance. And the worst part is that these emotional states tend to be self-perpetuating. Working while overly stressed can lead to even more stress. Depression and worry can cause you to avoid taking the kinds of actions that will help you escape the pit of negativity. And anger can lead you to take unproductive actions you may later regret.

While emotional variety can spice up your life, hopefully you’ll agree that remaining stuck in a prolonged negative emotional state is something to be avoided. So if you find yourself in one of these states, what can you do to boost your motivation and keep it high?

I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time studying emotional states (far more than you’d care to know), and I’ve tried many different strategies for consciously managing my emotions for most of my adult life. I felt this was a worthwhile investment because of how important emotions are in human life. Our feelings largely control how well we utilize our physical and mental resources. Our feelings can literally make or break us. I’m sure you can think of a few people who’ve been ruined by their inability to successfully manage their emotions.

If you’ve followed Tony Robbins’ work, you’ll note that he places a great deal of emphasis on emotional state management. While I tend to favor different techniques than the ones he espouses in his books and seminars, I’ve found that what he teaches works if you practice it enough. The state management strategies he teaches come from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and there are other sources for that same material aside from Tony Robbins if you don’t like his particular style.

What I don’t like about most NLP state management techniques though is that they tend to be very short-term in their effect, and they take some serious conscious effort to apply them. If I’m feeling down, I can use a technique like changing my physiology (i.e. body stance) or conditioning an anchor to make myself feel terrific. And it works just fine. But it doesn’t stick, and an hour later I can feel I’m gradually sinking back to my previous emotional state. Given that I eventually need to sit down at my desk and get back to work, giving myself a temporary emotional boost is nice, but it doesn’t do all that much for me over the course of a week unless I’m repeating it every hour. This is my personal experience, so I’m not saying this is true for everyone. There’s tremendous individual variety in the efficacy of NLP techniques.

Similarly, I can watch a comedy or listen to some music to cheer myself up, but the effect is still very temporary. Giving myself some temporary new input to cheer myself up is nice, but usually my previous emotional state will simply reassert itself within an hour or two later.

So what does work? How do I keep my level of motivation perpetually high?

This might sound overly simplistic, but the best strategy I’ve found for staying motivated and positive is to maintain the daily habit of listening to motivational audio programs. I own quite a few of these programs, so I have hundreds of hours of audio at my disposal. Most of it is in audio cassette format, so I just pop a cassette into my tape player and listen. Some of my favorite people to listen to are Earl Nightingale, Brian Tracy, Zig Ziglar, and Denis Waitley.

While these programs are usually packed with great information and ideas, I find that the information itself isn’t what usually provides me with the greatest benefit. It’s the emotional/motivational fact that provides me with the biggest long-term payoff. I’ve listened to some of them dozens of times, so I’m not getting many new ideas out of them. But even though the information doesn’t change, the positive attitude behind the information reinvigorates me every time. I’ll often listen to these audio programs while exercising or while doing other physical tasks like preparing meals or eating, so they don’t even take up any extra time. Most of the time I don’t even concentrate on them — I just listen passively while I focus on something else.

For me the effect is undeniable. After 30-60 minutes of listening to someone like Zig Ziglar talk about goals, I invariably feel very optimistic and focused. And I tend to get a lot of high-priority work done when I’m in that kind of emotional state. But the key was for me was to maintain this as a daily habit.

Just like physical exercise should be a daily habit, I feel daily emotional conditioning is at least as important. Whenever I’ve fallen out of this habit for weeks or months at a time, I’ve invariably gotten sucked down into negative emotional states. Then I remember my solution, plug back in, and my attitude and productivity shoot back up again.

When I went through college in three semesters, I listened to these motivational tapes religiously. My average weekday was about 8 hours of classes, but I remember that in my final semester I had one day each week with 13 hours of classes back to back, from 9:00 AM to 10:00pm with 15-minute breaks between each class. Those days were pretty insane, but in those short breaks as I walked from one class to the next, I put my headphones back on and listen to my cassettes. So no matter how tough things got, I was constantly re-conditioning myself to have a positive, can-do attitude, and this kept me enthusiastic and on top of my workload.

If you can only afford one such audio program, one of my all-time favorites is Lead the Field by Earl Nightingale. This program is fairly old, and Earl is deceased, but in my opinion it’s still one of the best programs of its type and a great one to start with if you’ve never listened to any other motivational audio. You can find a copy at Nightingale Conant — it’s about $40 there for the unabridged version on cassette, CD, or MP3 (Amazon charges $70 for it).

If you don’t want to spend any money, you can probably find a small selection of audio programs at your local public library. Mine has several dozen, and since the library is only a mile from my house, I often check them out and just buy the ones I feel are really outstanding.

I plan to add some of my own audio programs to this site eventually, since I personally find them tremendously beneficial, but I want to finish my book first before I start doing audio recordings.

What I like about listening to audio programs is that it’s easy, mindless, and passive. All I need to do is stick on my head phones, pop in a tape, CD, or MP3, and press play. I generally aim for about 30 minutes per day (usually when I exercise). This is enough to keep me feeling generally positive and optimistic all day long and getting plenty of work done.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but there are an awful lot of whiny people on this planet, and their negative emotions will tend to rub off on you and infect you with the whininess disease if you don’t inoculate yourself against it. Daily inoculations of motivational audio programs are the best antidote I’ve found for this ailment. It helps me stay focused on my goals and avoid going to pity parties.

Pick up some kind of motivational audio program, and try listening to it for at least 30-minutes a day for a week, and see what effect it has on your attitude and your actions. I think you’ll find as I do that this habit is one of the best you can develop.

Reading uplifting material is also effective, but I personally prefer audio for my daily emotional conditioning, so I can do other things at the same time. But there are plenty of great books and articles that can help keep your attitude positive as well.

Is it possible to overdo it? Yeah, I think so. I find it best to maintain an even emotional state that falls on the optimistic side. In my experience that’s the best for personal productivity — I don’t work as hard when I’m feeling pessimistic. But I don’t think it’s wise to get yourself so emotionally rah-rah that you lose sight of reality and start making foolish decisions. The goal should be to manage your emotions in such a way that you can best leverage your physical and mental resources. Most people would label this “sweet spot” the state of being passionate about what you do. But don’t push your emotions to such a level of intensity where you’re blocking access to your best thinking. Put yourself in a state where you feel positive and generate positive results; don’t overtrain yourself to the point where you’re feeling great about mediocre results.

What do you think?  

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