We all want to stop the inner self from sabotaging our next steps in our career. Confidence is essential and the number one “make it” or “break it” ingredient. Without it, we stay stuck, miserable and feel worse, which keeps us stuck. Over and over, we feel bad, we get frustrated and we stay stuck. Where is the confidence?
From my years as an executive, I have seen four warning signs that it is time to get unstuck.
Warning signs that you have self-sabotaging or limited thinking
1. You are forever waiting for the perfect time to….ask for a raise, go on a job interview - since the perfect time is never, it never happens.
2. Persistently thinking that things will eventually change - waiting “until you turn blue!” or blow up!
3. Belief that you will never qualify for another job, raise or promotion - negotiating yourself out of the job before you even apply.
4. Convincing yourself in your mind that you do not deserve or will never receive what you want (even when all signs are pointing your way) If you are blocked, you will miss the signals.
The best way to STOP sabotaging yourself and build your confidence back up is to change what you think on a regular (habitual) basis. I know it sounds obvious, but your thoughts, your mindset and your thought habits are creating your reality and your ability to stand up for yourself.
When our confidence is drained, we begin to look outside ourselves to the external world for validation, recognition, rewards and to feel better inside. But, it is never enough.
Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking the following?
“No one cares about my project as much as I do!” I steamed after a long, boring (my fault) meeting.
“Why am I working this much and trying so hard.” This is the classic statement of victimhood and it is the definitive “diagnosis” of confidence depletion.
As I fought harder to get my project advanced at the health system, I allowed the resistance and conflict over it to program my mind, heart and soul that it was NOT going to happen. So, even though I kept pushing, it wasn’t going to happen. I was literally fighting against my own plan. I was convinced I was defeated even while I worked so hard.
The harder I pushed for it to succeed, the more anxious I became. I became irritable, didn’t know who I could trust. I would ask people after meetings, “are you on my side?”
I became the problem. My eyes were red, my face on fire as my blood pressure shot through the roof.
Will the meditation tape in my car be able to calm me down?
Sometimes it did, but I returned the next day to FIGHT all over again! Even though I was depleted and had nothing left, I had to be a good soldier!
Nothing seemed to work, and I couldn’t figure out why.
I finally learned how to change my thinking to reroute the stuck-ness to success.
Finally, it dawned on me that my beliefs were causing the problems I was seeing. I was not feeling confident in my plan or actions-- and that was what was keeping me stuck!
Big time, stuck in mud, going under...
Ultimately, the frustration grew and grew, I saw no way out and soon everyone was an enemy in my eyes.
I needed to be more me from the inside, then I could shine on the outside.
The external world will never give you permission to stand up for yourself!
I needed to change before I self-destructed.
Here is the quick, three (3) step process I used to start rewiring me. Use it now to save your job, career, YOU.
Your 3 STEP Solution:
1. Imagine the outcome as already happening.
Most of my coaching process involves working on mindset, working on new mental programming. In order to DO something, you need to imagine that you CAN DO IT.
You must imagine a good outcome. Even if you don’t believe it at first. Imagining failure makes us so fearful that we project fear and failure! Our mindset determines what we think is possible. And it determines what does happen.
You will not succeed at asking for a promotion or going on an interview if you think you will fail before you even start.
Imagine the best outcome before you take action.
Take a few minutes to bring into your mind’s eye the best outcome.
Imagine this best outcome in the best light and in vivid colors and get happy internally!!
Get into the best outcome in your mind, heart and soul!
Then you can proceed! Next, take action only when you are feeling great.
2. Focus on your highest self.
How do you feel when you are unstoppable? What were you doing last time you felt awesome inside? Imagine you, in that situation and how you felt. Take a few minutes in your mind’s eye to get back in that feeling state. Be that highest, most awesome self.
3. Take action!
Once you have imagined the best outcome by conjuring up your highest self and emotional state TAKE ACTION! Do not take action from weak, depleted you. Practice this process and it will become natural for you.
Step into your full power as the person you want to show up as and ask her (or him)--
“What would I do if I wasn’t fearful of rejection?”
“What would I do if I knew I would succeed?”
DO that! Take action from a place of strength, from a place of knowing you are the highest self you can be.
You see, the illusion that you are not getting what you deserve is what keeps you stuck. So create a different illusion-- one that will propel you to achieve what you want.
Create the inner circumstances for things to go your way.
