The secret to powerful relationships | Abraham Hicks

Discover why relationships have been how they have been, and what to do about it.

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Ignoring Lack to Create Abundance | Steve Pavlina

I’ve been enjoying an abundant year because I focus much more attention on abundance, appreciation, and gratitude than I do on lack, scarcity, and poverty. Some people would say that this mindset is the result of abundance; I recognize the mindset/heartset as the cause of it.

When I did the opposite and paid more attention to what was lacking in my life, I experienced a variety of scarcity-based experiences — sinking deeper into debt each year, being kicked out of my apartment due to lack of rent money, not being able to afford what I wanted, feeling stressed whenever my car broke down, always buying the cheapest items and having them break easily, etc. That place of being was compelling enough to capture my attention for a while, but after a number of years there, I got bored with it and decided to try out the abundance mindset to see what that’s like.

I would often read books or listen to audio programs that went on and on about the abundance mindset, but I figured that was easy for them to say because they were already living it. What if you’re not living it? Usually their recommendation was to start wherever you are, and some would insist that abundance is a mindset you can create regardless of your starting position. I didn’t really buy into that notion at the time, but mainly because I was desperate to try something new, I opted to give it an earnest effort for at least a few days to see if it made any difference. It’s not like what I was doing before that was working, so I figured it couldn’t hurt, and it might help lead me into new territory where a solution could be found.

I began by focusing on feeling grateful for what I did have, like being able to enjoy running along the beach or watching a sunset. I turned my attention away from lack as much as possible. I did my best to ignore my debt, my unpaid bills, and my creditors for a while. Obviously that created some consequences, and I further dealt with those consequences by largely ignoring them as well.

This is really a key point that I don’t want you to just overlook. It wasn’t just that I began to focus on abundance thinking. I also did my very best to ignore anything in my life that suggested lack or scarcity. I stopped looking at my bills. I stopped answering the phone since most of the calls were from creditors. I ignored my debt and stopped making credit card payments altogether. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But when I paid attention to those things, they would just bring me down and make me start thinking about what wasn’t working.

This shift of attention soon created external shifts in my reality. I became more creative, released a new product, and started making a lot more money. A year later I was debt free, partly from going bankrupt, which was a good thing because it wiped out most of my debt, and then I paid off the rest mostly in one fell swoop with an advance I received for a game I licensed to a publisher.

I continued to expand upon this mindset of abundance over time. I imagined enjoying time abundance too. I imagined being more generous, first with my money, but then I felt even better about being generous with my time and creativity. I donated thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours to non-profits. I wrote articles for free and hosted discussion forums for free. I didn’t do these things to get any particular result. I did them because I just felt motivated to do them. When I held onto that abundance vibe, I didn’t have to push myself to contribute anything. It just flowed out of me without really trying.

I’ve since created a massive body of creative work and gave it away to the public domain, and I continue to add to that collection each month. This month I started doing microloans as well and encouraged others to join our team, which has been making new loans every day.

I never would have done these things if I was focused on lack. The vibe of lack didn’t make me feel particularly generous; it merely made me project generosity as something other people should do more of, or something I should get around to “in the future” (which of course means never).

There is value in having experiences across the spectrum of scarcity to abundance. I’m glad for the experience of scarcity since it helps me understand and appreciate abundance more deeply. For example, I enjoyed my recent trip to Paris that much more because I know what it was like to not be able to afford such a trip and having it seem like an impossibility. Every day I spent in Paris, I felt grateful to be there. I didn’t take anything for granted.
Through personal testing I came to see that overall I prefer the abundance vibe to the scarcity vibe. Abundance is a better fit for who I am.

I neither require nor expect others to make the same choice I did. Lots of people find growth lessons in the scarcity vibe, and I have no doubt they’ll continue to explore it. I’ve tested that vibe and that mindset enough to know that it isn’t such a good fit for me. I’m happier and more fulfilled on the abundance side. But I wouldn’t be so sure of this if I hadn’t had those scarcity experiences first.

Many times when I write about abundance, there are people who will take issue with it. It’s interesting to see how they project a boatload of assumptions onto me and then argue with their own assumptions. Some seem to think that abundance is wrong. Others want me to pay more attention to poverty.

I pay little attention to poverty, scarcity, and lack, not just in myself but in others as well. My focus is on abundance, gratitude, generosity, appreciation, etc. If you believe that what I’m doing is not enough, it’s because you feel what you’re doing isn’t enough. If you’re in resonance with scarcity, then “not enough” is something you’ll see wherever you look.

When you view one side of the spectrum through the lens of the other, your perceptions are greatly distorted. Just as scarcity may look upon abundance as greedy, excessive, selfish, elitist, narcissistic, etc., so can abundance look upon scarcity as lazy, wimpy, foolish, childish, stupid, etc. But these perspectives aren’t helpful to us… again, because they’re distorted.

You can only understand the options available to you when you experience them from the inside. And yes, this does mean that you can’t really understand an option until you’ve experienced it to some degree. From the outside looking in, you can get curious, but you can’t really gain much insight.

You’re free to do as I’ve done and test different mindsets/vibes to learn which set of experiences you prefer. You have laid out before you a whole spectrum of possibilities to explore.

Try to avoid the mistake of judging or condemning someone else’s position on this spectrum. Don’t expect others to change their mindset just because you have issues. If you feel resistance towards what others are experiencing, look to your dissatisfaction with your own vibe. Then remember that you have the power to make the shifts you desire, if you’re willing to embrace those shifts fully and completely instead of resisting them.

I’m quite pleased with my choices thus far, even as I continue to explore new points along the spectrum of possibilities. I’m fully aware that some people object to my choices and would prefer to see me focus more attention on problems like poverty. From the perspective of scarcity, they want me to change what they’re unwilling to. They want me to join them in their feelings of being not enough. From within the lens of scarcity, this may seem like a reasonable request, but from the perspective of abundance, it’s a rather silly thing to do.

The response to such requests is predictable if you understand how both mindsets work. Scarcity criticizes abundance for being not enough. Abundance finds scarcity’s request silly and so enjoys amusement at the entertainment value of it; additionally abundance is appreciative of the reminder of the contrast between scarcity and abundance. Scarcity doesn’t get its request satisfied and hence validates its experience of not enoughness; it can continue to live in its world where abundance is greedy and unresponsive to its needs. Abundance ends the interaction feeling appreciative; scarcity leaves feeling frustrated. This is a perfectly congruent outcome from all perspectives. Each vibe creates the experience that harmonizes with it.

A few people have been amusing me lately, which I’m grateful for, and I in turn have been doing my part to frustrate them.

If you desire to shift from scarcity to abundance, how do you do that? There are many techniques that I’ve shared in the past, so I won’t rehash that same content here. A good place to start is to watch the Creating Abundance videos. I actually apply this to an even greater extent today than I did when I created those videos in 2009. Now I’m spending much more time each day doing this kind of vibrational work because I find it extremely powerful.

This morning I woke up at 3:30 and then spent a good 2 hours imagining different aspects of my life as I want them to be and getting a clear lock onto the vibes that are consistent with my desires — the thoughts, feelings, and attitudes I believe I’d be experiencing if all my desires were physically real right now.

Then throughout each day, I do my best to hold onto these new vibes as much as possible. When I catch myself slipping into a vibe I wouldn’t likely experience on the side of my new desires, such as frustration or worry, I stop whatever I’m doing, take a deep breath, and reload the vibe I desire. Or if I’m tired and can’t do this very well, I just take a break to distract myself.

I continue to practice this because I find it very effective. Not only do I attract and enjoy more of what I want, but my new vibes also become increasingly repulsive to those whose vibes are incompatible, while becoming more attractive to those with compatible vibes and desires — people with whom I can enjoy co-creating abundantly.

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Everything is always working out for me | Abraham | Esther Hicks

Everything is always working out for me is a wonderful rampage of appreciation from Abraham, to get us in the Vortex.  For more information check out http://www.abraham-hicks.com
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10 Keys to a Successful Romantic Relationship | Dustin Wax

In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship.

According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.

1. Tell your partner you love them.

Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.

2. Show some affection.

Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.

3. Show appreciation for your partner.

Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t jsut about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up. 

4. Share yourself.

Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.

5. Be there for your partner.

It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.

6. Give gifts.

Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.

7. Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.

A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.

8. Make "alone time" a priority.

No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.

9. Take nothing for granted.

Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.

10. Strive for equality.

Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.

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Neuroscience Reveals How Gratitude Literally Changes Your Brain to be Happier | The Power of Ideas

We often hear about the power of gratitude for creating a more positive and happy mental state. But did you know that gratitude literally transforms your brain?

According to UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Center, regularly expressing gratitude literally changes the molecular structure of the brain, keeps the gray matter functioning, and makes us healthier and happier.

When you feel happiness, the central nervous system is affected. You are more peaceful, less reactive, and less resistant. And gratitude is the most effective practice for stimulating feelings of happiness.

In this article we’ll share some of the research demonstrating that gratitude makes you happier, followed by some practical steps you can take to positively transform the molecular structure of the brain.

Studies of gratitude making you happier

In one study of gratitude, conducted by Robert A. Emmons at the University of California at Davis and his colleague Mike McCullough at the University of Miami, randomly assigned participants were given one of three tasks. The participants kept a journal each week, with one group describing things they were grateful for, another describing what’s hassling them and the other keeping track of neutral events. After ten weeks, the participants in the gratitude group felt 25 percent better than the other groups, and had exercised an average of 1.5 hours more.

In a later study by Emmons with a similar set up, participants completing gratitude exercises each day offered other people in their lives more emotional support than those in other groups.

Another study on gratitude was conducted with adults suffering from congenital and adult-onset neuromuscular disorders (NMDs), with the majority of people having post-polio syndrome (PPS). 

Compared to those not jotting down what they’re grateful for every night, participants that did express gratitude felt more refreshed each day upon wakening. They also felt more connected with others than did participants in the group not expressing gratitude.

A fourth study didn’t require a gratitude journal, but looked at the amount of gratitude people showed in their daily lives. In this study, a group of Chinese researchers found that higher levels of gratitude were associated with better sleep, and also with lower levels of anxiety and depression.

Better sleep, with less anxiety and depression. Some compelling reasons to express gratitude more regularly.

Three simple steps to becoming more grateful

If you’ve only got time to say one prayer today, make it the simple words of “thank you.”

This is worth keeping in mind as you go about figuring out your daily practices and routines.

Here are three practical steps you can take to infusing routines of gratitude into your life.

1) Keep a daily journal of three things you are thankful for. This works well first thing in the morning, or just before you go to bed.

2) Make it a practice to tell a spouse, partner or friend something you appreciate about them every day.

3) Look in the mirror when you are brushing your teeth, and think about something you have done well recently or something you like about yourself.

Please let me know what you think below.

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27 Things You Need To Thank Yourself For Before The Year’s Over | Russell Lacy

In our society, we beat up on ourselves a lot – too much.

For many of us, it’s every minute of every day, all throughout the year. It’s no wonder most of us are too stressed out. We replay negative thoughts about our inadequacies or lack of capabilities over and over again in our minds. At some point, it’s like enough already. Isn’t it about time that we started appreciating ourselves for all of the things that we’ve done? This is especially true for this time of year.
 

Along with some end-of-the-year reflection and goal planning for the new year, don’t forget to thank yourself for all that you have achieved and overcome this year. I’m sure there were moments when it wasn’t easy. You probably had moments when you doubted yourself, struggled in defining the type of life you want to live, and lost sight of your goals. Yet, you pushed through it all.
 

Now, take a moment to be proud of the person who you’ve become. Here are 27 things you need to thank yourself for before 2016 is over:

 1. Following your goals (well, some of them)

 2. Making your priorities clearer and sticking to them

 3. Not putting up with people’s crap

 4. Taking time out for yourself, even if that meant ditching your friends

 5. Working out more/ trying to take care of yourself more

 6. Not settling for things

 7. Developing your skills and passions

 8. Not giving up on your what you want out of your career (even when it got on your nerves)

 9. Finishing things that you started

 10. Having the courage to remove people out of your life who didn’t add to it

 11. Speaking up more when you felt wronged

 12. Going the extra mile (though you didn’t always want to)

 13. Getting more sleep

 14. Following your gut (even if that meant venturing into unfamiliar territory)

 15. Persevering through the unexpected

 16. Not beating up on yourself as much

 17. Accepting your flaws, regardless of what people might think

 18. Deciding not to take life so seriously

 19. Laughing a heck of a lot more

 20. Not doing the same dumb things that you did in 2015

 21. Not reminding yourself of the dumb things you did in 2015

 22. Spending more time with your family

 23. Saving more. Finally.

 24. Planning for the life you want in the future

 25. Being more grateful for the little things.

 26. Making choices that you know your future self would be proud of

 27. Being patient with yourself, knowing through every journey you face you’re becoming wiser

Have a go and let me know what you think!  Would you change any of the items above?

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Appreciation Quotes Help Forge Friendship - Make Your Gratitude Count | Simran Khurana

Appreciating someone is not that difficult. You just need to remember to express your appreciation when the opportunity arises. But how many of us remember to do so?

Voltaire rightly pointed out the merits of appreciation, "Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." When you appreciate your loved ones, you build a bond of trust and love.  Appreciation builds bridges and fosters healthy relationships. 

Appreciate Those Who Are Closest to You

Appreciation can start at home. When your mother packs you a nutritious lunch, or your dad helps you with homework, show your appreciation with a hug or a smile. When your husband helps you with household chores, or your mother-in-law offers to babysit when you had to go out, express gratitude and love.

Appreciate Others Around You

Appreciate people outside your family too. Give your neighbors credit when their dogs did not create a nuisance. Thank the local police for their effort in controlling the crime rate in the neighborhood. 

You can find many opportunities to express your appreciation.

Appreciating someone does not make you less important. This is not a war of ego. Your words of appreciation reveal your humble and generous nature. By appreciating others, your value does not depreciate! On the contrary, you look good in the eyes of others.

Is Appreciation the Same Thing as Flattery?

Renowned motivational speaker Dale Carnegie beautifully expressed the difference between appreciation and flattery.  He said, "The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned."

Sugarcoated words of flattery appear fake while discerning words of appreciation sound genuine. Appreciation makes specific mention of praise-worthy qualities. Flattery is wishy-washy, smothering the truth behind a veil of false words. You can instinctively tell if a person is expressing true appreciation or false flattery. 

How to Appreciate Someone?

Appreciation should be sincere. When you praise your mother for her cooking, talk about what you specifically liked about the food. Share your thoughts about what else you would like. And thank her profusely for making your meal so good.

Say "thanks" to your friend who threw you a surprise birthday party. If your friend has spent money for the party, offer to share the expense. Also, tell your friend what you enjoyed most about the birthday celebration.

Use these appreciation quotes to make beautiful thank you cards and messages. Your friends and family will remember you for the kind words of appreciation.

Walt Disney
Animation can explain whatever the mind of man can conceive. This facility makes it the most versatile and explicit means of communication yet devised for quick mass appreciation.

Booker T. Washington
Any man's life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca
We become wiser by adversity; prosperity destroys our appreciation of the right.

Sam Walton
Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune.

Voltaire
Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

John F. Kennedy
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

Oprah Winfrey
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

Albert Schweitzer
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Dalai Lama
The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Correction does much, but encouragement does more. Encouragement after censure is as the sun after a shower.

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.

Leo Buscaglia
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Michael Jordan
When I was playing before I retired, I never really understood the appreciation and the respect that people gave me. People had treated me like a god or something, and that was very embarrassing.

Henry Clay
Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the gratefully and appreciating heart.

Mark Twain
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

Friedrich Nietzsche
There are slavish souls who carry their appreciation for favors done them so far that they strangle themselves with the rope of gratitude.

Mae West
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!

Steve Maraboli
Forget yesterday -- it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow -- you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift -- today.

William Arthur
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.

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Let me know what you think below!