Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them | Z. Hereford

Learning to set healthy personal boundaries is necessary for maintaining a positive self-concept, or self-image. It is our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth, and will not allow others to define us.

Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others. Their presence helps us express ourselves as the unique individuals we are, while we acknowledge the same in others.

It would not be possible to enjoy healthy relationships without the existence of personal boundaries, or without our willingness to communicate them directly and honestly with others. We must recognize that each of us is a unique individual with distinct emotions, needs and preferences. This is equally true for our spouses, children and friends.

To set personal boundaries means to preserve your integrity, take responsibility for who you are, and to take control of your life.

How do we establish healthy personal boundaries?

Know that you have a right to personal boundaries. You not only have the right, but you must take responsibility for how you allow others to treat you. Your boundaries act as filters permitting what is acceptable in your life and what is not. If you don't have boundaries that protect and define you, as in a strong sense of identity, you tend to derive your sense of worth from others. To avoid this situation, set clear and decisive limits so that others will respect them, then be willing to do whatever it takes to enforce them. Interestingly, it's been shown that those who have weak boundaries themselves tend to violate the boundaries of others.

Recognize that other people's needs and feelings are not more important than your own. Many women have traditionally thought that the needs of their husbands and children are more important than their own. This is not only untrue, but it can undermine the healthy functioning of the family dynamic. If a woman is worn out mentally and physically from putting everyone else first, she not only destroys her own health, she in turn deprives her family of being fully engaged in their lives. Instead, she should encourage every family member to contribute to the whole as well as take care of himself or herself. Putting themselves last is not something only women do, but many men as well.

Learn to say no. Many of us are people-pleasers and often put ourselves at a disadvantage by trying to accommodate everyone. We don't want to be selfish, so we put our personal needs on the back burner and agree to do things that may not be beneficial to our well-being. Actually, a certain amount of "selfishness" is necessary for having healthy personal boundaries. You do not do anyone any favors, least of all yourself, by trying to please others at your own expense. 

Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable. Let others know when they've crossed the line, acted inappropriately, or disrespected you in any way. Do not be afraid to tell others when you need emotional and physical space. Allow yourself to be who you really are without pressure from others to be anything else. Know what actions you may need to take if your wishes aren't respected.  

Trust and believe in yourself. You are the highest authority on you. You know yourself best. You know what you need, want, and value. Don't let anyone else make the decisions for you. Healthy boundaries make it possible for you to respect your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. An unhealthy imbalance occurs when you encourage neediness, or are needy; want to be rescued, or are the rescuer, or when you choose to play the victim.

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

• Going against personal values or rights in order to please others.
• Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
• Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking.
• Letting others define you.
• Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
• Feeling bad or guilty when you say no.
• Not speaking up when you are treated poorly.
• Falling apart so someone can take care of you.
• Falling "in love" with someone you barely know or who reaches out to you.
• Accepting advances, touching and sex that you don't want.
• Touching a person without asking.

When we possess healthy personal boundaries:

• We have improved self-confidence and a healthy self-concept. 
• We are more in touch with reality. 
• Are better able to communicate with others. 
• Have better more fulfilling relationships. 
• Have more stability and control over our lives.

It is never too late to work on establishing healthy personal boundaries. 

Please let me know what you think below.

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15 Signposts on the Path to Success| Jeff Keller

People on the path of growth apply certain principles that allow them to achieve more and lead rich, rewarding lives. If you’re on the path to success, you are a different person than you were five years ago. You think differently. You act differently. You see the world differently. In short, you’re growing and evolving.

But unlike our physical growth, where we can clearly see and gauge our progress (or lack thereof), it is often difficult to measure our personal and professional growth. There is no simple test we can take to assess personal growth, but here are some “signposts” that we can use to gain insight into where we stand.

As you read through this article, measure your present situation against these signposts of personal and professional growth. Consider if you already embrace these ideals or how you might implement them on a more consistent basis.

1. Don’t Fix Blame or Make Excuses 
You realize more and more that pointing a finger at others is not the answer to your problems. Instead, you take personal responsibility for your own results and your own 
happiness. You focus on your attitude, your skills, your actions, and your discipline.

2. Don’t Look Back 
Dwelling on unpleasant events in the past won’t change them, and it only makes you feel rotten in the present. So why do it? Part of accepting personal responsibility is the recognition that, at any point, you can change the path you’re on. Learn from the past, but don’t obsess on it. Instead, take action today to create a positive future.

3. Guard the Sanctity of Your Thoughts 
You no longer doubt that your thoughts are creating your reality. And, if that’s the case, why would you ever think negatively? You’re disciplining yourself to focus on what you want, as opposed to what you don’t want.

4. Have a Sense of Gratitude Every Day 
When you’re young, you tend to take everything for granted: your health, the roof over your head, and the food on your plate. As the years go by, you suddenly experience the “darker” side of life. Either you or your relatives or friends face serious illnesses. You personally know people in their 30s, 40s, or 50s who die. Instead of complaining about the things in your life that aren’t perfect, you choose to be thankful for the many gifts you’ve been given. You identify with the sage advice of Eddie Rickenbacker, who once said, “If you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the food you want to eat, you should never complain about anything.”

5. Laugh a Lot More, Especially at Yourself
Several times each day, you find yourself letting out a hearty belly laugh. You take your work seriously but not yourself. Whether you’re with clients, colleagues, friends, or family, make sure to laugh. You’ll feel better and have a lot more fun.

6. Get Excited About Something
When you’re living in the flow of life and up to your highest potential, you’re enthusiastic. You don’t have to go around slapping people on the back, but you’re upbeat and alive. You get up in the morning with a purpose, and you look forward to the day’s activities. People can just look at you, or speak with you, and immediately pick up on your positive energy.

7. Take Some Risks
No one is asking you to go skydiving or put your physical health at risk. However, the path of growth demands that you venture into the unknown. That’s where you discover yourself, and find out what you’re capable of achieving. You begin to get ideas and visions about great things you can accomplish, and you have the courage to go after them! Instead of just thinking about doing something, you take action and do it!

8. Be Less Concerned with What Other People Think
Do you still need to get someone’s approval before making a decision? On the path to success, you’re willing to do what you think is best for you, even if someone else won’t like it. On fundamental issues such as your career, your relationships, and your goals, it’s fine to get advice. But in the end, it’s your view that counts. You’ll never be happy following someone 
else’s plan for your life.

9. Place More Emphasis on Honesty and Integrity
Even when no one is looking, you do the right thing. Your aim is to build solid long-term relationships, both personally and professionally, and you can’t accomplish this unless you’re a person of character and integrity. Aside from being good to others, this is for your own self-interest. You see, whatever you send out in life will come back to you like a boomerang. You know that for people to treat you with honesty and respect, you must treat them the same way.

10. Stop Trying to ‘Fix’ Others
You’ve learned that a little self-development can be dangerous. While you’ve begun to see that there’s a better way to live and you’re anxious for others to “see the light” as well, you recognize that everyone has his or her own path to follow, and that you don’t decide the rate at which someone else progresses. So, instead of “converting” others, you continue to work on yourself and find that your example is more powerful than any sermon you can preach.

11. Take the Opportunity to Lift Someone Else
You remember how tough it was for you at each level of your life and your career, and how challenging it is right now! Furthermore, you know that you are where you now are, in large part, because some people believed in you, encouraged you, and helped you. You make a point to do the same for those who can benefit from your experience.

12. See Things in Perspective
Your list of what’s truly important in your life continues to shrink. You work hard and enjoy whatever material comforts you have, but “things” are not as essential to you as they once were. You recognize that your health and well-being and that of your loved ones is what really matters. You no longer let little day-to-day annoyances (at work or at home) dictate the attitude, pace, or results of your day.

13. Listen More … and Ask Questions
You’ve learned to tame your ego a bit and don’t feel the need to always be the center of attention. You realize that when you’re talking, you’re not learning anything. You balance your conversations and make sure to draw other people out by asking questions. You’re more interested in learning about their thoughts, ideas, and insights on various issues, their careers, and their families. Every person has a fascinating story to tell, and you want to hear it!

14. Discover That Discipline Is Fun
You never thought you’d say that! Yet it’s true. To build physical fitness, you exercise several times each week. To develop a successful sales career, you pay attention to the basics, day in and day out. You’re no longer looking for the “quick fix” or “quick buck.” Instead, you know full well that you must put in the effort before you can reap the reward. You find tremendous satisfaction in sticking with something and mastering it over a period of time.

15. Set High Standards for Yourself and Others
Careful, this isn’t about achieving “perfection.” Rather, on the path to success, you simply have the desire to reach more and more of your potential. You no longer settle for less than your best effort. And, as you see more of the potential in others, you encourage them to develop their talents as well.

These are 15 signposts on your road to personal and professional success. I’m sure you can add several more items as well, based on your own experiences. Keep these ideas in front of you on a regular basis to gauge your progress. Apply them consistently and you’ll enjoy phenomenal results, plus a tremendously exciting journey!

Learn more about Jeff Keller and his bestselling book Attitude Is Everything.

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Success principles | Warren Buffett

This is an amazing 5 minute video outlining success principles: how to identify them and how to nurture them in yourself. 

"The chains of habit are too light to be felt, until they are too heavy to be broken."  



Let me know what you think below. 

How to Know When You've Found Your Purpose in Life | Oprah & Carolyn Myss

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyN5tK0Varc

Published on Jun 24, 2012

Author Caroline Myss says each of us has a sacred contract‰: a set of assignments our soul was meant to complete. Here, she shares a list of telltale signs that you are fulfilling your divine potential in life. Plus, watch as Oprah has an aha! moment during their conversation about being true to herself. For more on #supersoulsunday, visit http://bit.ly/1tNw5dg