Fear of Success: What Will Happen if You Succeed? | Steve Pavlina

Sometimes you find yourself with a goal you think you should want to achieve, but you just don’t seem to be taking enough action to reach it. You aren’t really afraid of failure or rejection, the path to the goal seems clear enough and might even be an interesting challenge, and occasionally you’ll make some progress. But most of the time you can’t seem to get into that flow state, and you’re not sure why. This often happens with long-term goals that require intermittent action, like losing weight or transitioning to start a new business and eventually quit your job.

One question I’ve found helpful to ask in these situations is this: What will happen if you succeed? Forget about what you hope will happen or what you fear might happen, but realistically consider what probably will happen. So you achieve your goal. Then what? What else will change?

I’m not talking about giving a 5-second cursory answer, like “If I lose the weight, then I’ll be thin.” Set aside at least 15-30 minutes just to think about how your life will really change once you achieve your goal (with no TV, radio, or other distractions). There are often unexpected side effects that you may not be aware of consciously, but subconsciously they can be enough to prevent you from taking committed action. For example, if you lose a lot of weight, here are some possible side effects: people will notice and will comment about it, other people will ask you for diet advice, you may feel you need to continue with a permanent lifestyle change to maintain your new weight, you may need to buy new clothes, you may become more attractive to others and thereby attract more social encounters (wanted or unwanted), overweight friends might become jealous, your family may resist your changes, you may feel stressed about whether you can keep the weight off, you may worry about the loss of certain favorite foods from your diet, and so on.

It’s rare that a goal is all roses. Success requires change, and change has both positive and negative consequences. Often while people claim to want to succeed at something, the reality is that the negatives outweigh the positives for them. But one way to overcome this problem is to consciously think about what those negatives are, and then uproot them one by one. Uprooting a negative side effect could mean figuring out how to eliminate it completely, or it could mean just accepting it and learning to live with it.

It’s certainly helpful to focus on the positive side of a goal. But don’t forget to take an occasional survey of the dark side and accept that you’re going to have to deal with that too.
Unlike fear of failure and fear of rejection, fear of success can be far more insidious because it’s almost always unconscious. But it’s not fear of success itself that is the problem but rather fear of the side effects of success, many of which may be genuinely unwanted. Fears that are never evaluated consciously have a tendency to grow stronger. The reason is simple behavioral conditioning — when you avoid something you fear (either consciously or subconsciously), you automatically reinforce the avoidance behavior. So when you (even unknowingly) avoid working on your goal because of a hidden fear of success, you actually reinforce the habit of procrastination, so as time goes by, it becomes harder and harder to get yourself to take action. Insidious!

Asking, “What will happen if I succeed?” can solve this problem because it focuses your conscious attention on those fears. Fear has a tendency to shrink under direct examination, making it easier for you to take action. When I say that fear shrinks, another way of stating this is that subconscious behavioral conditioning weakens under conscious scrutiny. I know some people dislike the word “fear” with respect to their own behavior — don’t get hung up on the exact wording; call it “avoidance behavior” if that’s more to your liking.

But an additional benefit is that you can also devise intelligent work-arounds for those fears-made-conscious, some of which may indeed be valid signals of unsolved problems. For example, going back to the weight loss example, if you lose a lot of weight, you probably will need new clothes. And if you don’t have the money to buy new clothes, then that is a real problem you’ll need to address (unless you don’t mind wearing oversized outfits). Left unacknowledged, even a simple problem like this can be enough to subconsciously sabotage you from achieving your goal. But once you examine the situation consciously and figure out a way to deal with it in advance, you’re sending a message to your subconscious that you needn’t fear this problem because you have a practical way to solve it.

Now let’s consider the opposite side. Suppose you ask, “What will happen if I succeed?” and upon considering all the side effects, you realize that you don’t actually want to achieve the goal at all. The negatives outweigh the positives. I encountered this when I made a plan to grow my games business but didn’t seem to make as much progress as I wanted. When I asked this magic question, I realized that I didn’t really want to achieve the goal with all its side effects — what I really wanted was to transition to writing and speaking full time, and further building my games business would actually take me farther from that more important goal. Growing my games business seemed like a goal I should want, but when I really thought about where I’d be if I achieved that goal, I realized it wouldn’t be the success I truly wanted. That was a difficult realization for me… to recognize that my original ladder of success was now leaning against the wrong building. So I actually had to “unset” that goal once I really understood the likely consequences of achieving it.

Even now as I set goals in the direction of writing and speaking as my new career, I recognize that there are big side effects. I simply don’t have the mental bandwidth for two full-time careers. One of the hardest side effects for me was letting go of the goals and dreams I had for my games business. All those creative ideas for new games that will never be… and the would-be players who will never experience them…. But this is outweighed by what will happen as I succeed in my new career. To create a new game that challenges, entertains, and uplifts people is wonderful; however, being able to help people grow fulfills me even more. I found it a very enlightening process to review all these side effects and one by one to acknowledge that I accept them.

What will happen if you succeed? If you lose the weight… get the date… earn the promotion… start the business… get pregnant… quit smoking… become a millionaire… stretch yourself?

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5 Success Lessons I Learned From Running Ultramarathons | Michael Winterheller

1. Be consistent.

Although I’m putting this at the very top of my list, it is something I actually discovered rather late in my training (actually after having run my first ultra): Whatever you do, you need to do it consistently. This is the foundation, and it has become a crucial basic ingredient in terms of everything else that I’ve learned in this regard.

Running a few intervals or doing long runs every once in a while won’t really improve your fitness (for all non-runners, these are the parts of your training that really make you sweat), and likewise stretching once won’t improve your flexibility. You need to do these things as a consistent part of your training, again and again.

I’ve found that it is very similar in the business world: To achieve extraordinary results and be successful, you need to put in the work on a very consistent basis, almost to the point that improvement itself becomes a habit for you. Stop wasting your time with one-off efforts to change things all at once, and instead focus on weekly or maybe even daily accomplishments that will deliver consistent improvement.

2. Do the right work at the right time.

The simple act of doing work is actually pretty easy—the same is true for running. When I first started training, I basically just put on my running shoes and ran. Speed, distance and elevation gain were more or less a product of my mood and motivation on that day. While I did improve at the beginning of my training, I soon hit a wall where improvement became almost nonexistent. I only started to improve again when I started to follow a training plan and developed a better understanding of what I was actually trying to achieve.

It’s the same in your professional life: Just doing work won’t get you very far. It is doing the right work at the right time that will propel you toward success and the achievement of your goals. Create a daily list of the things you need to do that day and arrange it according to importance and overall benefit in terms of moving you forward. Moreover, get started with tasks on that list first thing in the morning. Once you have checked off the top five items, you can start to combine the other tasks on your list with whatever comes up as part of your workday.

3. Rest days boost your workday efficiency.

Rest days are a must if you want to improve your running form, and also if you want to improve consistently. In the world of sports and fitness, the need for rest and time off is well-known. Every article on improving your race time warns about the dangers of overtraining or going into a race tired.

Yet for some reason in the business world, working late, working on weekends and being online 24/7 seems like the right thing to do. Working without sufficient rest might work for a while, but it won’t take you very far in the long run. You will become tired, you will lose your creativity and your productivity will certainly fall. This is true in the business world just as it is in the world of fitness. Stop trying to be superhuman all the time and enjoy some well-deserved rest; you’ll end up being more productive and creative—more successful—than before.

4. Challenges are an integral part of getting better

During my first ultramarathon, I reached a point where I thought I just could not take another step. I sat down on the side of the dusty trail and was ready to throw in the towel. The only problem was that I was in the middle of nowhere, there was no mobile phone reception and there were no roads even remotely nearby. Anxiety almost got the better of me when another racer came by who stopped and asked me how I was doing. When I told him that I was ready to drop out of the race, he replied that this was his 19th time doing the race and he came to the exact same conclusion almost every time. But he learned to get through the rough times and was able to finish. He offered me his hand, pulled me up and told me to keep going. I was so bewildered and inspired that I just did what he told me to do: I kept running and I finished the race.

This moment is one of my top inspirations whenever I encounter difficulties in my role as a CEO. I learned to not only deal with challenges in a much more productive way, but now I actually find inspiration in them. It might sound strange, but for me challenges offer reinsurance that I am doing something new, something big, something out of the ordinary. 
So next time you find yourself facing an obstacle, keep going and then give yourself a pat on the back. Why? Because chances are that you are on the way to achieving something great.

5. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and keep you moving forward.

Training for an ultramarathon can be a pretty lonely experience. You spend most of your time running through the woods or scrambling up mountains, accompanied only by your own thoughts and inner dialogue. While I did really enjoy this time on the trails, I also learned that you can become trapped within your own limits without realizing it. This dawned on me when I started doing some of my workouts at the local running track. All of a sudden I was able to compare my speed and endurance with other runners, and I was baffled by how fast some people can actually run. It’s not that I didn’t read about fast runners or see their video clips online, but that’s a very different thing from going full out and being passed by other runners who seemed to not be struggling at all. Now I love doing my workout on the track because it helps me to surpass my own limits, and also to gain inspiration to train harder and at the same time improve my pace.

Relatedly, whenever you have the chance to meet someone successful or learn something from your competition, make it count. Stop being intimidated and instead be inspired. Use their stories as encouragement in terms of questioning your own limits. Chances are good that you will be able to think bigger, be bolder and go further than ever before.

So can you relate to this?  Please let me know below!

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How To Reprogram Your Mind (for Positive Thinking) | Brendon Burchard

How to reprogram your mind for more positive thinking, with conscious discipline.  30 day program outlined.  

Let me know what you think below!

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Leadership 101: Unleashing The Leader Inside You | Josh Hinds

Leadership is not a position, it’s a decision. Every day you must decide to embrace your inner leader, making the choice to lead in a positive way. Right where you are, at whatever place you currently find yourself in life, be it personally or professionally.

Leadership is multifaceted. For our purposes I’ll breakdown what I’ve come to see as leadership essentials. Over my professional life I’ve been blessed to observe, and live out many of the ideas shared below. I have been a student of leadership and personal development for many years.

Before I begin sharing what I believe to be important leadership skills, I’ll concede there are other ideas that I may miss and could easily have been included. If you want to share any I’ve missed by all means let me know, by either dropping me a note, or leaving your thoughts in the comments below.

If you’re ready let’s get started…

The Essential Ingredients of Great Leaders

Leadership is not a position or job title

As I stated above, leadership isn’t a position, it’s a decision. Many people mistakenly think they aren’t in a position within their jobs to effect change. They think if only they were the “boss” they could really make a difference. They would run things in such a way that things would be different. That’s a common way of thinking, it’s just that it’s wrong. First off, there’s absolutely no guarantee that just because someone holds a title, or position of authority that what they say will be adopted. Sure, you can set policy, and in theory everyone will follow it, but that just isn’t always how things work out in the real world is it?

I want to challenge you to rethink the way you look at yourself. If title or position of authority doesn’t determine your ability to be a leader, then what does? Well, your willingness to live out the role of leader in the given area of your life. Regardless of where you are in the org chart, or what is expected of you in the context of where you find yourself.

Consider the following example:

It’s common in companies of all sizes, particularly those over 10 to 20 employees for silos to exist. By silos I am talking about the way some departments, or those who work on specific items in the business tend to branch off into cliques, or “teams” within the larger company as a whole. If we’re not careful this can end up with those in the silo feeling as though it’s them against the rest of the company or organization. This can limit contact and collaboration with members in the company. While this is common, it isn’t a good thing. It can lead to a number of real challenges, especially as the company grows. This can cause a number of problems unless you address it. Not the least of challenges is that it can lead to those within areas of the company feeling left out, while others feeling territorial about particular tasks, as opposed to everyone working in synergy towards creating positive results for the company, and those it is meant to serve.

As you can imagine, we could discuss the importance of why breaking down silos in an organization is important, literally until the cows come home, but instead, allow me to share something you can do about it.

First, for this to work you will need the mindset that you’re going to step up, take ownership of this challenge, and in doing so show leadership. If you are ready to do that, here’s a step by step plan you can put into action to accomplish that.

1. State or write down the problem, or situation you want to change.
2. Identify how things would look, and what differences would exist if the thing you set out to change became a reality.
3. Brainstorm actions you can take which will help bring the desired change about.
4. Do those things.
5. Continue taking those actions, evaluating your progress along the way until the change you’re after takes hold.

If you want to break down barriers or silos make a point to say hello, and engage in conversation with those outside your immediate department. Yes, it’s a simple thing, but it can make a real difference. You don’t have to engage in deep conversations nor even push to form deep friendships. The main point is that you take an interest in others and show the willingness to be friendly to others outside of your immediate co-workers or peer group. This can be accomplished by simply making a point to tell others hello each morning — or whatever time you see them. It isn’t even about how the other person responds to you. Some may ignore you initially. By being consistent in this simple idea and being genuine in this way you will begin to see others open up and act in kind.

I have seen this happen numerous times over the years in my own life, and that of others. Give it a go. It will make a real difference in the environment with which you work, and live.

Great leaders are not dictators

If you think you can make a suggestion, or set a new rule and everyone will magically adopt your idea with little to no resistance you probably aren’t being realistic. Assuming you have the proper level of authority you might get people to go along with your changes, albeit without any real buy in. This is likely to lead to its own problems, which stem from resistance towards whatever it happens to be. I’m not saying everything has to be a consensus, nor does everything have to be voted upon, or even be agreed upon by all involved. What I am saying is you don’t want to take the approach that it’s your way of the highway — or at the least come off that way. Even if that may be the case, state your case tactfully so you don’t come across as a bully. You could win, but lose at the same time if you’re not careful in how you approach this. To avoid coming across in that manner be sure to share your reasoning behind the changes, and what you hope to gain from them being put into practice. You can also check in with others to make sure the changes that are implemented are actually getting the results you hope they do. Keep the lines of communication open so people know that you value their input.

Great leaders make people feel like part of the team. Sitting on high and barking down orders doesn’t help others feel valued. And it definitely doesn’t foster a team environment. Again, I’m not suggesting you can’t be specific, and expect hard and fast rules. That’s a given at times, what I’m saying is how you “deliver the medicine” can make all the difference. Another reason you want to be open is that you may find that someone else actually comes up with a better idea than what you’re proposing. If those around you don’t feel comfortable openly sharing suggestions they likely won’t, which will ultimately stifle not only the effectiveness overall, but your own level of success as the leader.

The best leaders develop other great leaders

This is an area that I’ve never really understood. It would seem obvious that the great leaders would tend to leave a trail of other people who go on to become exceptional leaders themselves. In fact, that is what happens a lot. Study the lives of the best leaders across industry, the military, sports, you name it, and you’ll find a pattern where those who spend time under the best leaders tend to go on to do pretty incredible things themselves. That would certainly make sense.

Knowing the above is true, what doesn’t make any sense are those people who somehow get into positions of authority, and end up feeling that if those below them develop as leaders it will somehow keep them from moving up the ladder and getting ahead. Yet, it happens far too often. In fact, I would say that if you have someone who doesn’t have at least a few people who have spent time working with others in your organization, who didn’t grow from having worked alongside them it’s worth exploring what happened. As leaders, developing and building up others should be one of the most important measurements of a person’s ability to lead.

It’s easy to produce on a personal level. What takes more talent is being able to multiply your own skills, and impart them onto others you work with. Doing so is essential to the long term success of your organization.

Here’s an example: Often you will hear of a terrific salesperson that does well and exceeds their own personal quota. The natural inclination in some companies is to promote that person to the position of sales manager. While this may seem like a sound idea, it isn’t necessarily the best idea. The reason is that the skills needed to succeed in sales, to “do what it takes” to meet your numbers, doesn’t guarantee that the person has the skills needed to transfer their own unique skillset to those they are responsible for, the other members of the sales team.

To further illustrate the point let’s have a look at the world of sports, particularly a few coaches who have been especially successful. As we look at them notice how many of their assistant coaches, and those who worked with them went on to experience success in their own careers.

Let’s look at Coach Nick Saban, who is the head football coach for the University of Alabama (at the time of this writing). He worked with coach Bill Belichick, who at the time was the head coach of the Cleveland Browns. Coach saban eventually became a head coach in college football, during which he has worked with the following coaches who have each gone on to become great coaches in their own right: Jimbo Fisher, Mark Dantonio, Will Muschamp, Jim McElwain, among others.

That is just one example, where quite literally we could have come up with countless such examples.

Make a personal commitment to leaving a legacy of creating other great leaders from those you are around, and work with. If people aren’t getting better, and excelling professionally as a result of having spent time in your presence you need to get honest with yourself, and begin doing what needs changing so that they are. No excuses!

They are committed to their own professional development

They continually learn and stay current on trends and best practices in their profession, industry, and area in which they operate. They strive to learn and become better everyday. They realize that being an expert takes time and an ongoing commitment, but that in doing so they are capable of delivering the most value to those people and organizations who count on them.

There are lots of ways to accomplish this. Begin by scheduling personal development time each day into your schedule. You have to be intentional about this.

If you have to, set a daily reminder that pops up to tell you to do it.

Learn some soft skills, things such as how to sell better, how to be a better leader, etc. The point is as you study in these areas you will pick up new ideas, which overtime will help you to grow.

Additionally, commit to learning the latest happenings in your particular field or industry. This simple idea, done daily can make you an expert. Many people enter into a job and never seek to get a deeper understanding of best practices associated with it. Don’t be that person.

The two ideas above will pay great dividends if you will do them going forward. Since you have to spend time in your field anyway, why not do the things that will help you excel? If you will do so you are sure to benefit greatly.

They lead up

Those who really get leadership make a conscious effort to support, and help those in positions of authority above them be more successful. Remember, leadership isn’t about authority or position. Even still, those in positions of authority almost always have someone they report to as well. I have heard a variant on “leading up” countless, times, but I would be remiss if I didn’t single out Craig Groeschel (an amazing leader & author) for talking in depth on this. You can see a video clip of him sharing on “leading up” here.

When I talk about leading up, this isn’t the same thing as kissing up to your boss or others. Instead you’re helping others to succeed. Whether by sharing ideas that will further the goals of the team, or by stepping up and offering to contribute above and beyond what’s expected of you in your normal duties. When you help those above you (and all around you for that matter) those who are in a position to reward you take notice. Even in the rare instance where the person you have helped doesn’t acknowledge it, someone will. Of course you’re not doing good to get noticed, while that’s often an unintended consequence, the reason we lead up is because doing so ultimately makes us better for it.

Finally, consider these wise words from Leadership authority, John Maxwell who said,  “As a leader, the first person I need to lead is me. The first person that I should try to change is me.”

I encourage you to commit to fully developing your leadership skills. Apply the ideas shared above and the time you give to doing so will serve you greatly.

It’s Your Life, LIVE BIG!

Josh Hinds

http://www.getmotivation.com/motivationblog/2016/12/leadership-skills-101/

So what do you think?