The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen

Tracy McMillan is a television writer (Mad Men, United States of Tara) and relationship author who wrote the book Why You're Not Married...Yet, based on her viral 2011 Huffington Post blog. She also appeared as a dating coach on the NBC reality show Ready For Love. She lives in Los Angeles and is the mother of a 16-year-old guy.

In her TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen talk, McMillan answers the question: "Who is the one person you need to marry in order to have a successful relationship? (Yourself)"

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The Medium vs. the Message | Steve Pavlina

This article is designed to get you thinking about your life from a new perspective. For the sake of clarity, we’ll focus primarily on your career, but by the time you’re done reading, you should be able to apply these ideas to other areas of your life as well.

Consider a physical recording medium like a CD or DVD. By itself it’s an empty vessel. The “message” is the information contained within that medium, whether it be music, a film, software, or some other information. The message is what provides the value — the actual recording medium is often inconsequential. You may pay $20 for a CD that contains music, or you may pay $300 for a CD that contains certain software. But the physical CDs are essentially identical except for the information they contain. This price difference isn’t due to a difference in the medium but rather due to a difference in the message.

Now let’s extend this concept of the medium vs. the message and apply it to your career (or any other part of your life for that matter). For example, in most cases your job title represents the medium of your career. Career media include being an attorney, a salesperson, or a computer programmer. Think of your career medium as the vessel through which you work.

Much like a recordable CD, your career medium is an empty container waiting to be filled. If you identify yourself as an attorney or a salesperson or a computer programmer, that doesn’t give you any sense of the value your work provides. Those professions are conduits for providing value, but they contain very little value in and of themselves. Some attorneys earn $300/hour while others charge $3000/hour. And you’ll find tremendous pay differences in other fields as well, even among people who appear to have the same job title, whether it be secretary or CEO. The medium of the career (i.e. the job title) cannot account for these differences.

It isn’t hard to recognize that the primary value comes not from the medium of your career (i.e. your particular job) but rather from the message of your career. The message is what you bring to your career. It’s what fills the otherwise empty container.

For example, I can identify my career as being a writer, blogger, speaker, web developer, entrepreneur, computer programmer, etc. Or I can more broadly say that I’m a communicator. But that would mean defining my career as a medium — an empty container. It’s like saying that I’m a microphone.

The message, as opposed to the medium, is what specific information I communicate through these various vessels. What am I saying? What information is traveling through the microphone?

In my case the message is that I’m here to grow and to help other people to grow. The media I use to convey this message will change and evolve over time, but the message is a constant. And the message is a much better description of my true career than the media that I currently use to express it.

Changing Perspectives

Chances are that you currently think of your career primarily in terms of the medium (i.e. your particular job) rather than the message (i.e. the unique value you bring to your work). I want to dive a little deeper into this distinction with you and show you some perhaps unexpected benefits that may arise when you shift your focus and begin thinking of your career primarily in terms of the message.

There are two significant risks that come from defining your career in terms of your primary medium (i.e. “I’m an attorney” or “I’m a programmer”). The first risk is that you’ll unnecessarily limit yourself. You will only recognize opportunities that present themselves in the form of a nail because you’ve defined yourself as a hammer and nothing more. You’ll fall into the trap of thinking, “Dammit, Jim! I’m a doctor, not a bricklayer!” As a human being, there are many ways for you to express and deliver value to others. The current medium of your career is only one of them. When you think of your career as being greater than any single medium, you’ll open yourself to new opportunities that lie outside your current primary medium.

The second risk is that by focusing too heavily on a single medium, you’re likely to lose sight of your message. Your message is far more important than any one medium, so by putting the medium first, you’re likely to suffer from a gradual decline in motivation regarding your work. You begin a new job, and it’s very exciting at first, but the longer you work at it, the less enthusiastic you become. Does this seem familiar at all?

For example, today you’ll find people who define their careers as professional bloggers (the medium), and so they blog about anything and everything. But after several months or perhaps a year of this type of work, it isn’t uncommon to see them becoming apathetic and even depressed about their work. Why? Because the medium (in this case, a blog) is hollow by its very nature, and something hollow cannot provide lasting motivation.

Defining your career in terms of some arbitrary medium, like being a professional blogger, is like a garage band saying, “Yeah, man, it’s all about the CDs.”

So what happens when you put the medium before the message? You define your life in terms of the container instead of what fills that container. You put emptiness before fullness. And this can lead to procrastination, lack of motivation, and low energy. How motivating is it to define your career as being a professional blogger (or any other arbitrary job title)? On a scale of 1-10, maybe it would start at around an 8-9 the first few weeks, but where will it be after five years? Probably a 4 or 5 at best. But by defining your career as the message instead of the medium, you’re probably in the range of 8-10, and five years later you can still be up there. In my case the message of personal development is indeed a 10 for me. My level of enthusiasm for writing, speaking, blogging, or programming waxes and wanes over time, but my interest in personal development remains perpetually high.

The feeling of being driven comes from the message of your work, not the medium.
When you wake up each morning, how do think about your work? Do you say to yourself, “Today I’m going to write something (medium)?” Or are you thinking, “Today I’m going to improve the human condition in some small way (message)?”

Which perspective do you think is more intrinsically motivating?

Certainly both the message and the medium are each an important part of your career, but 
with the rapid pace of technological advancement, your medium is likely to be far less permanent than your message. Notice that medium-based work is highly subject to automation. A salesperson is replaced by a web site. A secretary is replaced by a PDA. A PR firm is replaced by a blog. But automating the message that’s provided by a conscious human being, now that’s a lot tougher. How would you automate the message of personal development, for example?

Finding Your Message

Now how do you identify your message? Your message is essentially your purpose, which I’ve addressed many times in various blog entries. But here’s yet another way to discover your message:

Think about what you bring to your job or career (or even to any random task or project) that’s different than how the “average” person would do it. What’s different about your approach to your work vs. how other people would do the same job?

For example, when I primarily worked as a computer programmer, I was extremely aggressive about improving my skills, and I’d enthusiastically share what I learned with other people. In building my games business, I did the same thing. You can put me in virtually any job, and I’ll bring these same qualities to it. I’ll aggressively strive to get better and better, and I’ll share with others what I learn along the way. That’s the “message” that’s uniquely me.

Imagine yourself working at different jobs and in different fields. What qualities would you bring to your work that are uniquely you? Do you spread good humor, harmony, or passion? Do you provide analytic depth, intuitive insight, or a rational outlook? Do you bring loyalty, teamwork, or honesty to your workplace?

You may find it helpful to try to define yourself in terms of a metaphor. Are you a rock? An eagle? A storm?

If you have trouble figuring this out for yourself, ask people you know for their opinions. (You may want to have them read this article first, so they know what the heck you’re talking about.) Often other people can see us more clearly than we see ourselves.

Embracing Your Message

Once you develop an understanding of your own message (and your understanding will surely evolve over time), you can begin to express that message more consciously. You can redefine your career in terms of that message. Believe me — this is likely to feel very awkward at first. But over time if you can overcome the social conditioning that tries to pigeonhole you into a single medium instead of embracing your message, I think you’ll find it a much more fulfilling way to think about your career.

In school we mostly learn a medium. In high school I learned the medium of writing. In college I learned the medium of computer programming. In Toastmasters I learned the medium of speaking. And from other bloggers I learned the medium of blogging. But the message that I bring to these multi-media isn’t something I learned in school. The message is something that’s been a part of me since childhood, although my awareness of it has certainly increased as I’ve grown up.

When I switched careers from game publishing to working in personal development, it was more than just a job change. It was a shift from medium-based thinking to message-based thinking. Writing and speaking and blogging are better media for my message than developing computer games. And as technology continues to evolve, I have the flexibility to embrace any new media that arise. The media are just empty containers. The message is what fills those containers.

Once I began defining my career in terms of the message instead of the medium, I felt much more in tune with my work. Sometimes I tell people I’m a writer or a blogger or a speaker — all of those are true for now. But internally I feel that any one of those containers is too small a description of the real work I do. Have you ever felt the same way… that your job title is too small for you? How do you feel when you say, “I’m a _____” (fill in your current job title)? Say it right now, and notice how it makes you feel. Does it really describe the totality of the work you do?

How could you give yourself a more expansive message-based career name? Instead of thinking of yourself as an attorney, for instance, how about giving yourself the job title of “Peacebringer” (someone who resolves conflicts and restores peace)? Or instead of being a salesperson or a computer programmer, try adopting the job title of “Problem Solver.” Wouldn’t that be more accurate? How would you react if someone handed you a business card that said, “Jane Smith, Peacebringer?” I’m sure some people would give more credibility to a card that says “Attorney at Law,” but I’d rather hire the Peacebringer, since that title tells me this person understands that the value of their work extends beyond any single medium.

What does your business card say? Does it only list the medium of your work, or does it convey the message? What would be a more appropriate job title for you?

Beyond Career

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, you can apply this concept of the medium vs. the message to other parts of your life beyond your career. I’ll leave it up to you to think about how you might differentiate between the medium and the message in terms of your health, your relationships, your spiritual beliefs, and so on. And for another perspective that overlaps this one, you may enjoy reading this blog post: End Goals vs. Means Goals.

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Overcoming Procrastination | Steve Pavlina

Procrastination, the habit of putting tasks off to the last possible minute, can be a major problem in both your career and your personal life. Side effects include missed opportunities, frenzied work hours, stress, overwhelm, resentment, and guilt. This article will explore the root causes of procrastination and give you several practical tools to overcome it.

The behavior pattern of procrastination can be triggered in many different ways, so you won’t always procrastinate for the same reason. Sometimes you’ll procrastinate because you’re overwhelmed with too much on your plate, and procrastination gives you an escape. Other times you’ll feel tired and lazy, and you just can’t get going.

Let’s now address these various causes of procrastination and consider intelligent ways to respond.

1. Stress

When you feel stressed, worried, or anxious, it’s hard to work productively. In certain situations procrastination works as a coping mechanism to keep your stress levels under control. A wise solution is to reduce the amount of stress in your life when possible, such that you can spend more time working because you want to, not because you have to. One of the simplest ways to reduce stress is to take more time for play.

In his book The Now Habit, Dr. Neil Fiore suggests that making time for guaranteed fun can be an effective way to overcome procrastination. Decide in advance what blocks of time you’ll allocate each week to family time, entertainment, exercise, social activities, and personal hobbies. Then schedule your work hours using whatever time is left. This can reduce the urge to procrastinate because you work will not encroach on your leisure time, so you don’t have to procrastinate on work in order to relax and enjoy life. I caution against overusing this strategy, however, as your work should normally be enjoyable enough that you’re motivated to do it. If you aren’t inspired by your daily work, admit that you made a mistake in choosing the wrong career path; then seek out a new direction that does inspire you.

Benjamin Franklin advised that the optimal strategy for high productivity is to split your days into one third work, one third play, and one third rest. Once again the suggestion is to guarantee your leisure time. Hold your work time and your play time as equally important, so one doesn’t encroach upon the other.

I’m most productive when I take abundant time for play. This helps me burn off excess stress and enjoy life more, and my work life is better when I’m happier. I also create a relaxed office environment that reduces stress levels. My office includes healthy plants, a fountain, and several scented candles. I often listen to relaxing music while I work. Despite all the tech equipment, my office has a very relaxed feel to it. Because I enjoy being there, I can work a full day without feeling overly stressed or anxious, even when I have a lot to do. 
For additional tips to make your work environment more peaceful and relaxing, read the article 10 Ways to Relaxify Your Workspace.

2. Overwhelm

Sometimes you may have more items on your to-do list than you can reasonably complete. This can quickly lead to overwhelm, and ironically you may be more likely to procrastinate when you can least afford it. Think of it as your brain refusing to cooperate with a schedule that you know is unreasonable. In this case the message is that you need to stop, reassess your true priorities, and simplify.

Options for reducing schedule overwhelm include elimination, delegation, and negotiation. First, review your to-dos and cut as much as you can. Cut everything that isn’t truly important. This should be a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how poorly people actually implement it. People cut things like exercise while leaving plenty of time for TV, even though exercise invigorates them and TV drains them. When you cut items, be honest about removing the most worthless ones first, and retain those that provide real value. Secondly, delegate tasks to others as much as possible. Ask for extra help if necessary. And thirdly, negotiate with others to free up more time for what’s really important. If you happen to have a job that overloads you with more work than you feel is reasonable, it’s up to you to decide if it’s worthwhile to continue in that situation. Personally I wouldn’t tolerate a job that pushed me to overwork myself to the point of feeling overwhelmed; that’s counterproductive for both the employer and the employee.

Be aware that the peak performers in any field tend to take more vacation time and work shorter hours than the workaholics. Peak performers get more done in less time by keeping themselves fresh, relaxed, and creative. By treating your working time as a scarce resource rather than an uncontrollable monster that can gobble up every other area of your life, you’ll be more balanced, focused, and effective.

It’s been shown that the optimal work week for most people is 40-45 hours. Working longer hours than this actually has such an adverse effect on productivity and motivation that less real work gets done. This is especially true for creative, information age work.

Don’t just take my word for it though; test this concept for yourself. Many years ago I ran a simple experiment to determine how efficiently I was working. I measured my efficiency ratio as the number of hours I spent doing important work divided by the number of hours I spent in my office each week. The first time I did this I was shocked to find that I only got 15 hours of real work done while spending 60 hours in my office, an efficiency ratio of 25%. Can you believe that? Over the following weeks, I increased my productivity dramatically while spending far fewer hours in my office. By limiting my work hours, I actually got more done. You can read the details in the article Triple Your Personal Productivity. I now know that working long hours is huge mistake, and I challenge you to discover this truth for yourself.

3. Laziness

Often we procrastinate because we feel too physically and/or emotionally drained to work. Once we fall into this pattern, it’s easy to get stuck due to inertia because an object at rest tends to remain at rest. When you feel lazy, even simple tasks seem like too much work because your energy is too low compared to the energy required by the task. If you blame the task for being too difficult or tedious, you’ll procrastinate to conserve energy. But the longer you do this, the more your resolve will weaken, and your procrastination habit may begin spiraling toward depression. Feeling weak and unmotivated shouldn’t be your norm, so it’s important to disrupt this pattern as soon as you become aware of it.

The solution is straightforward: get off your butt and physically move your body. Exercise helps to raise your energy levels. When your energy is high, tasks will seem to get easier, and you’ll be less resistant to taking action. A fit person can handle more activity than an unfit person, even though the difficulty of the tasks remains the same.

Through trial and error, I discovered that diet and exercise are critical in keeping my energy consistently high. I went vegetarian in 1993 and vegan in 1997, and these dietary 
improvements gave me a significant ongoing energy boost. When I exercise regularly, my metabolism stays high throughout the day. I rarely procrastinate due to laziness because I have the energy and mental clarity to tackle whatever comes my way. Tasks seem easier to complete than they did when my diet and exercise habits were poor. The tasks are the same, but I’ve grown stronger. A wonderful side benefit of the diet/exercise habit is that I was able to get by with less sleep. I used to need at least 8-9 hours of sleep per night to feel rested, but now I function well on about 6.5 hours.

The most energizing foods are raw fruits and vegetables. Make your diet abundant in these foods, and you’ll likely see a marked improvement in your energy levels. The first week or two, however, you may temporarily feel worse as your body takes the opportunity to detox. Erin and I each lost seven pounds the first week we went vegan. Once the dairy clog finally got cleaned out, our intestines were better able to metabolize everything we ate from then on. We later learned that this is actually quite common. There’s a good reason baby cows need four stomachs to digest their mother’s milk. Human beings can’t metabolize dairy products properly, so the partially digested cow proteins float through the bloodstream and must be eliminated as toxins (i.e. poisons). This requires even more energy, which can leave you feeling more tired than you otherwise would.

You’ll have to decide for yourself how far you want to take this. I suggest you try different dietary changes for only 30 days at first to see how it affects you. That’s how I went vegetarian and later vegan. In each case I went into the challenge fully expecting to revert back at the end of the 30 days, but I liked the results so much that I couldn’t fathom going back. Don’t take my word for this. Experiment for yourself, and discover what health habits work best for you. For more tips see the article How to Find the Best Diet for You.

4. Lack of Motivation

We all experience temporary laziness at times, but if you suffer from chronically low motivation and just can’t seem to get anything going, then it’s time for you to let go of immature thought patterns, to embrace life as a mature adult, and to discover your true purpose in life. Until you identify an inspiring purpose, you’ll never come close to achieving your potential, and your motivation will always remain weak.

For more than a decade I ran a computer game publishing company. That was a dream of mine in my early 20s, and it was wonderful to be able to fulfill that dream. However, as I entered my 30s, I began feeling much less passionate about it. I was competent at what I did, the business was doing well financially, and I enjoyed plenty of free time. But I just didn’t care that much about entertainment software anymore. As my passion faded, I started asking, “What’s the point of continuing with this line of work?” Consequently, I procrastinated on some projects that could have moved the business forward. I tried to boost my motivation using a variety of techniques but to no avail. Finally I recognized what I really needed was a total career change. I needed to find a more inspiring career path.

After much soul searching, I retired from the gaming industry and launched StevePavlina.com. What an amazing change that was! I found renewed passion in helping people grow, so I didn’t have to use motivation-boosting techniques to get going. I was naturally inspired to work. I still feel totally inspired. Best of all I procrastinated less on non-work tasks too — my passion spread across all areas of my life.

Center your work around an inspiring purpose, and you’ll greatly reduce your tendency to procrastinate. If you haven’t already done so, listen to Podcast #15 – What Is Your Purpose?. Finding your purpose is a powerful way to defeat procrastination problems because you won’t procrastinate on what you love to do. Chronic procrastination is actually a big warning sign that tells us, “You’re going the wrong way. Take a different path!”

Once you’ve centered your life around an inspiring purpose, then you can take advantage of certain motivational techniques to boost your motivation even higher. For some specific motivational tips, read Cultivating Burning Desire.

5. Lack of Discipline

Even when motivation is high, you may still encounter tasks you don’t want to do. In these situations self-discipline works like a motivational backup system. When you feel motivated, you don’t need much discipline, but it sure comes in handy when you need to get something done but really don’t want to do the work. If your self-discipline is weak, however, procrastinating will be too tempting to resist.

I’ve written a six-part series on how to develop your self-discipline, so I’ll simply refer you there: Self-Discipline Series. If you really want to overcome procrastination, you must release any attachment to the fantasy of a quick fix, and commit to making real progress. Hopefully you have the maturity to recognize that reading a single article won’t cure your procrastination problems overnight, just as a single visit to the gym won’t make you an athlete.

6. Poor Time Management Habits

Do you ever find yourself falling behind because you overslept, because you were too disorganized, or because certain tasks just fell through the cracks? Bad habits like these often lead to procrastination, often unintentionally.

The solution in this case is to diagnose the bad habit that’s hurting you and devise a new 
habit to replace it. For example, if you have a problem oversleeping, take up the challenge of becoming an early riser. To de-condition the old habit and install the new one, I recommend the 30-day trial method. Many readers have found this method extremely effective because it makes permanent change much easier.

For tasks you’ve been putting off for a while, I recommend using the timeboxing method to get started. Here’s how it works: First, select a small piece of the task you can work on for just 30 minutes. Then choose a reward you will give yourself immediately afterwards. The reward is guaranteed if you simply put in the time; it doesn’t depend on any meaningful accomplishment. Examples include watching your favorite TV show, seeing a movie, enjoying a meal or snack, going out with friends, going for a walk, or doing anything you find pleasurable. Because the amount of time you’ll be working on the task is so short, your focus will shift to the impending pleasure of the reward instead of the difficulty of the task. No matter how unpleasant the task, there’s virtually nothing you can’t endure for just 30 minutes if you have a big enough reward waiting for you.

When you timebox your tasks, you may discover that something very interesting happens. You will probably find that you continue working much longer than 30 minutes. You will often get so involved in a task, even a difficult one, that you actually want to keep working on it. Before you know it, you’ve put in an hour or even several hours. The certainty of your reward is still there, so you know you can enjoy it whenever you’re ready to stop. Once you begin taking action, your focus shifts away from worrying about the difficulty of the task and toward finishing the current piece of the task which now has your full attention.

When you do decide to stop working, claim and enjoy your reward. Then schedule another 30-minute period to work on the task with another reward. This will help you associate more and more pleasure to the task, knowing that you will always be immediately rewarded for your efforts. Working toward distant and uncertain long-term rewards is not nearly as motivating as immediate short-term rewards. By rewarding yourself for simply putting in the time, instead of for any specific achievements, you’ll be eager to return to work on your task again and again, and you’ll ultimately finish it. You may also want to read my article on Timeboxing.

If you find that clutter and disorganization are hurting you, I suggest you read the article Getting Organized. For a compelling overview of effective time management principles, read Time Management. And for a giant list of specific time management tips you can apply right away, read Do It Now.

7. Lack of Skill

If you lack sufficient skill to complete a task at a reasonable level of quality, you may procrastinate to avoid a failure experience. You then have three viable options to overcome this type of pattern: educate, delegate, or eliminate.

First, you can acquire the skill level you need by training up. Just because you can’t do something today doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to do it. Someday you may even master that skill. For example, when I wanted to create my first website in 1995, I didn’t know how to do it because I’d never done it before. But I knew I could learn to do it. I took the time to learn HTML, and I experimented. It didn’t take long before I launched a functional web site. 
In the years since then, I continued to apply and upgrade that skill. If you can’t do something, don’t whine about it. Educate yourself to gain skill until you become proficient.

A second option is to delegate tasks you lack the skill to do. There are far too many interesting skills for you to master, so you must rely on others for help. You may not realize it, but you’re already a master at delegation. Do you grow all your own food? Did you sew your own clothes? Did you build your own house? Chances are that you depend on others for your very survival. If you want a certain result but don’t want to acquire the skills to get that result, you can recruit others to help you. For example, I don’t want to spend my days trying to understand the details of the U.S. tax code, so I delegate that task to my accountant. This frees me to spend more time working from my strengths.

Thirdly, you may conclude that a result isn’t needed badly enough to justify the effort of either education or delegation. In that case the smart choice is to eliminate the task. Sometimes procrastination is a sign that a task needn’t be done at all.

When I was in college, I felt that certain assignments were pointless busywork, and I couldn’t justify the effort required to do them. If the impact on my grade wasn’t too great, I’d decline to do those assignments. Nobody cares that I received an A- instead of an A in a class because I declined to write an essay on gestural languages. If an employer or graduate school screener ever did care, I’d have turned the experience to my advantage by using it to demonstrate that I could set priorities.

8. Perfectionism

A common form of erroneous thinking that leads to procrastination is perfectionism. Believing that you must do something perfectly is a recipe for stress, and you’ll associate that stress with the task and thus condition yourself to avoid it. So you put the task off to the last possible minute until you finally have a way out of this trap. Now there isn’t enough time to do the job perfectly, so you’re off the hook because you can tell yourself that you could have been perfect if you only had more time. But if you have no specific deadline for a task, perfectionism can cause you to delay indefinitely.

The solution to perfectionism is to give yourself permission to be human. Have you ever used a piece of software that you consider to be perfect in every way? I doubt it. Realize that an imperfect job completed today is always superior to the perfect job delayed indefinitely.

Perfectionism also arises when you think of a project as one gigantic whole. Replace that one big “must be perfect” project in your mind with one small imperfect first step. Your first draft can be very, very rough. You’re always free to revise it later. For example, if you want to write a 5000-word article, allow your first draft be only 100 words if it helps you get started.

Some of these cures are challenging to implement, but they’re effective. If you really want to tame the procrastination beast, you’ll need something stronger than quick-fix motivational rah-rah. This problem isn’t going away on its own. You must take the initiative. The upside is that tackling this problem yields tremendous personal growth. You’ll become stronger, braver, more disciplined, more driven, and more focused. These benefits will become hugely significant over your lifetime, so recognize that the challenge of overcoming procrastination is truly a blessing in disguise. The whole point is to grow stronger.

Let me know what you think below.

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The puzzle of motivation | Dan Pink

Career analyst Dan Pink examines the puzzle of motivation, starting with a fact that social scientists know but most managers don't: traditional rewards aren't always as effective as we think. Listen for illuminating stories -- and maybe, a way forward.
Let me know what you think below!
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What Every Leader Must Know About Personal Development | August Turak

Man is a mystery. If you spend your entire life trying to puzzle it out do not say that you’ve wasted your time. I occupy myself with this mystery because I want to be a man. - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Columbia Business School recently published my book Business Secrets of the Trappist Monks: One CEO’s Quest for Meaning and Authenticity. This has led to a number of interviews that I’ve generally enjoyed very much. However there is one recurring question I find difficult to answer: “What do you do for personal development?”

The reason I find this question so difficult is that it assumes that personal development is something we do in order to get “success.” And by success we usually mean having a successful career. It rarely occurs to anyone in our culture that someone (a Trappist monk for example) might become an artist, entrepreneur, leader, or politician as a means to personal development and not the other way around.

As a result “personal development” is compartmentalized; it becomes something we do off the clock and in our spare time in order to “get ahead” in the “real world.” Slowly and unwittingly we become like the real estate agent who religiously accompanies his family to church only because being perceived as a family oriented, God fearing man is “good for business.”

This entire world view tragically puts the proverbial cart before the horse. Whether you call it personal development, personal growth, self-actualization, self-transcendence, or spirituality does not matter. What matters is realizing that the reason you were born is to become the best human being you can possibly be. Personal development is not a tool for reaching a bigger goal. Becoming a complete human being is already the biggest and most noble goal you can aspire to.

Ironically, my entire book is an argument for making personal development the central mission of our lives rather than merely the means to a more limited end—a fact that makes answering a question from a bright, well- intentioned interviewer who apparently missed this argument even more difficult to answer.

Trappist monks have been among the world’s most successful businessmen for over 1000 years precisely because they dedicate their entire lives to personal development. Being on time for work, for example, is not just part of a monk’s “job description.” It is a way to build self-discipline; a way to show the same compassion to customers and fellow monks that he prays God will show to him. In other words being on time is not a result of a monk’s personal development it is a form of personal development.

The secret to the amazing business success of Trappist monks is not that they have managed to establish the mythical “healthy balance” between their personal and professional lives. The secret is that their personal, organizational, and business lives are all subsets of their one, high, overarching mission- becoming the best human beings they can possibly be. Business success for the monks is merely the by-product and trailing indicator of living for a higher purpose. Trappist business success is living proof that when we seek first the kingdom of personal development everything else will take care of itself. And this is true of our personal lives as well.

So back to the question: What do I do for personal development? On one hand I don’t do anything for personal development. Like the monks I simply live my life. Yet on the other hand I’ve built my whole life around personal development, and it remains to this day the only thing I truly care about. It is just that pursuing personal development has become so habitual that I never think about it. In this sense everything I do is filtered through the screen of personal development.

Throughout my career, for example, I sought out companies, bosses, challenges, and mentors that would help me grow. I did so even if it meant baffling friends and family as I repeatedly seemed to trade the lucrative “safe bet” and “sure thing” for an opportunity to learn and grow. Similarly, I’ve spent many years cultivating people like the monks of Mepkin Abbey who continually inspire and challenge me to become a better human being. When in 1993 I decided to become an entrepreneur I did so because I felt that the pressures of entrepreneurship would provide a perfect incubator for personal development; a way to put myself and my principles to the ultimate test. When seven years later my partners and I sold the company we started on a shoe string in a shoe box of an office, it was not the money or prestige that mattered most but what we had learned and who we had become.

*  *  *

“Man is a mystery….” I have moved many times over the years, but Dostoevsky’s quote has graced the door of every refrigerator I have ever owned or rented since college. Dostoevsky penned those lines in a letter to his brother when he was just 17, and every time I read it I marvel that it was written by a boy so young. But what I love most is that this boy, destined to become one of mankind’s greatest writers, never mentions a job, a career, a profession, or material gain. A few years later he would achieve overnight success with his first novel Poor Folk, but he doesn’t even mention any aspiration to become a writer. Instead all he wants from life in exchange for a lifetime of labor is “to be a man.” Like a good Trappist monk, Dostoevsky didn’t see personal development as a way to become a great writer, but writing as a way to pursue personal development. And if we want authentic rather than ersatz success in life we must do the same.

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Don't find a job, find a mission | Celeste Headlee | TEDxAugusta

Celeste Headlee sees finding a career which will truly inspire you is much like dating - it takes time and lots of experiments. And the ideal job is no more realistic than the dream man or woman.

Worldwide 90% of people don't like their work.  Celeste suggests that we are focussing on the wrong priorities when we are looking for a new job, and approaching the whole thing from the wrong perspective.  

"We learn the most about ourselves not in theory but in practice."

Let me know what you think below.

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3 Steps To Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Career | Mo Faul

We all want to stop the inner self from sabotaging our next steps in our career. Confidence is essential and the number one “make it” or “break it” ingredient. Without it, we stay stuck, miserable and feel worse, which keeps us stuck. Over and over, we feel bad, we get frustrated and we stay stuck. Where is the confidence?

From my years as an executive, I have seen four warning signs that it is time to get unstuck.

Warning signs that you have self-sabotaging or limited thinking

1.    You are forever waiting for the perfect time to….ask for a raise, go on a job interview - since the perfect time is never, it never happens.
2.    Persistently thinking that things will eventually change - waiting “until you turn blue!” or blow up!
3.    Belief that you will never qualify for another job, raise or promotion - negotiating yourself out of the job before you even apply.
4.    Convincing yourself in your mind that you do not deserve or will never receive what you want (even when all signs are pointing your way) If you are blocked, you will miss the signals.

The best way to STOP sabotaging yourself and build your confidence back up is to change what you think on a regular (habitual) basis. I know it sounds obvious, but your thoughts, your mindset and your thought habits are creating your reality and your ability to stand up for yourself.

When our confidence is drained, we begin to look outside ourselves to the external world for validation, recognition, rewards and to feel better inside. But, it is never enough.

Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking the following?

“No one cares about my project as much as I do!” I steamed after a long, boring (my fault) meeting.  

“Why am I working this much and trying so hard.” This is the classic statement of victimhood and it is the definitive “diagnosis” of confidence depletion.

As I fought harder to get my project advanced at the health system, I allowed the resistance and conflict over it to program my mind, heart and soul that it was NOT going to happen. So, even though I kept pushing, it wasn’t going to happen. I was literally fighting against my own plan.  I was convinced I was defeated even while I worked so hard.

The harder I pushed for it to succeed, the more anxious I became. I became irritable, didn’t know who I could trust. I would ask people after meetings, “are you on my side?”

I became the problem. My eyes were red, my face on fire as my blood pressure shot through the roof. 

Will the meditation tape in my car be able to calm me down? 

Sometimes it did, but I returned the next day to FIGHT all over again! Even though I was depleted and had nothing left, I had to be a good soldier!

Nothing seemed to work, and I couldn’t figure out why. 

I finally learned how to change my thinking to reroute the stuck-ness to success. 

Finally, it dawned on me that my beliefs were causing the problems I was seeing. I was not feeling confident in my plan or actions-- and that was what was keeping me stuck! 

Big time, stuck in mud, going under...

Ultimately, the frustration grew and grew, I saw no way out and soon everyone was an enemy in my eyes.

I needed to be more me from the inside, then I could shine on the outside.

The external world will never give you permission to stand up for yourself!

I needed to change before I self-destructed.

Here is the quick, three (3) step process I used to start rewiring me. Use it now to save your job, career, YOU.

Your 3 STEP Solution:

1.    Imagine the outcome as already happening. 

Most of my coaching process involves working on mindset, working on new mental programming. In order to DO something, you need to imagine that you CAN DO IT. 

You must imagine a good outcome. Even if you don’t believe it at first. Imagining failure makes us so fearful that we project fear and failure!  Our mindset determines what we think is possible. And it determines what does happen.

You will not succeed at asking for a promotion or going on an interview if you think you will fail before you even start.

Imagine the best outcome before you take action.

Take a few minutes to bring into your mind’s eye the best outcome.

Imagine this best outcome in the best light and in vivid colors and get happy internally!! 

Get into the best outcome in your mind, heart and soul! 

Then you can proceed! Next, take action only when you are feeling great.

2.    Focus on your highest self.

How do you feel when you are unstoppable? What were you doing last time you felt awesome inside? Imagine you, in that situation and how you felt. Take a few minutes in your mind’s eye to get back in that feeling state. Be that highest, most awesome self.

3.     Take action!  

Once you have imagined the best outcome by conjuring up your highest self and emotional state TAKE ACTION! Do not take action from weak, depleted you. Practice this process and it will become natural for you.

Step into your full power as the person you want to show up as and ask her (or him)-- 

“What would I do if I wasn’t fearful of rejection?”  

“What would I do if I knew I would succeed?”

DO that! Take action from a place of strength, from a place of knowing you are the highest self you can be.

You see, the illusion that you are not getting what you deserve is what keeps you stuck. So create a different illusion-- one that will propel you to achieve what you want. 

Create the inner circumstances for things to go your way.

Find out more in my Love Yourself, Love Your Career Video Training Series. The perfect merger of inner spiritual evolution and outer career success. 

Let me know what you think below!

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Six-Step Process to Conducting a Year-End Review of Your Career | Randall S. Hansen, Ph.D.

The end of the year is often a time of many events — wrapping up business for the year while also wrapping holiday presents. This article presents something you can give to yourself — something that you can get done during the holiday lull or over some vacation days — a quick and easy process for examining what you’ve accomplished in your career this year and where you want to go with it next year.

Of course, you may have already done at least some preliminary work on reviewing the year — especially if your employer hands out year-end bonuses or conducts year-end performance reviews — and if so, that’s a good place to start your year-end review.

But unlike your on-the-job performance review, the purpose of this article is to suggest you consider conducting an even more important assessment — taking stock of your career. Now is the perfect time to review where you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to go.

Before you begin your assessment, take a moment to ask yourself the most important question: Am I happy and fulfilled by my job and career? No matter how successful you’ve been in the past 11 months, if you are fundamentally unhappy with your work, spend the vast majority of your year-end review focusing on self-assessment and discovering your career passion. Consider a side-trip from this article to the Quintessential Careers Finding Your Career Passion Tutorial.

Don’t rush your review. Consider using a weekend or one or more of your vacation days to reflect on your career. You don’t need to — and probably shouldn’t — complete all six steps in one sitting. Break it up over several days if you like.

Step One: Review Career Goals.

Did you set any goals for your career this year — formally or informally? Most people have some idea of what they want to accomplish next in their careers, such as getting a promotion and/or raise or perhaps achieving better work/life balance. Setting some goals is an important activity because goals help provide the focus you need to move your career forward — and to avoid distractions or activities that may slow your career progress (or worse, devalue you). So, if you had any goals for this year, answer these questions:

• Did I achieve my career goals?
• Am I satisfied with what I did relative to my goals?
• Did anything happen to change my goals over the course of the year?
• How should I modify my goals for next year?

Step Two: Review Your Career Year.

What have you done this year? This step is about documenting your career progression ad identifying key achievements. Thinking about all you’ve done over the past 11 months or so, ask yourself these questions:

• What have I accomplished?
• What new skills have I acquired?
• What have I learned?
• What opportunities were gained and lost?
• How am I better today than I was at the beginning of the year?

Step Three: Develop Your Career Synopsis.

Where are you in your career? Review all aspects of your career and examine where you stand at this juncture. Some questions to ask yourself:

• Am I where I should be in my career?
• What has helped or hindered my progression?
• Am I happy with my current employer?
• What are my strengths and weakness?

Step Four: Envision Your Future.

What’s your next career step? Take some time to plan for next year (and perhaps beyond), picturing the path you want your career to take. Again, here are some questions to help you:

• What do I want to be doing more of in my career?
• What do I want to be doing less of in my career?
• What’s the next step in my career?
• When should I be taking this next step?
• What’s my ideal/ultimate career dream?

Step Five: Career Action Steps for Your Future.

How will you get to that future career? Make a list of what you need to do — career goals for the coming year — to get to where you want to be next in your career. These might be things such as building your network, gaining additional experiences, changing employers, strengthening your career brand, or pursuing additional training/education/certifications. Questions to ask yourself:

• What do I need to prepare myself for this next step?
• Do I need to find a new employer to make the next step?
• How do I position myself for this next step?

Step Six: Share Your Career Vision.

Are your career goals and action plans feasible? Schedule a meeting with your mentor(s) and to get reactions to your plan, as well as advice for achieving it.

Final Thoughts on Career Year-End Reviews

Once you’ve completed these six steps, you should not only know yourself and your career better, but have some specific goals and action steps to help you progress along a career plan.

Another benefit from completing this year-end review is that the results from part of the analysis should assist you in updating your resume if you have not been keeping it current as the year progressed. Even if you are extremely happy with your employer, it makes sense to have a current resume for that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, or worse, if your employer decides its time to downsize the workforce.

Finally, use these free Quintessential Careers resources to assist you with your career year-end review and plan for your future:

• Using a SWOT Analysis in Your Career Planning
• The Art of Career and Job-Search Networking
• Career Branding Tutorial
• Career Planning Articles
• Your Career Planning and Job-Search Calendar
• Plotting Story of Your Ideal Career
• Moving Up the Ladder: 10 Strategies for Getting Yourself Promoted
• Value of a Mentor: Find Yourself a Mentor
• Workplace Resources for Dealing With Your Current Job/Employer

Questions about some of the terminology used in this article? Get more information (definitions and links) on key college, career, and job-search terms by going to our Job-Seeker’s Glossary of Job-Hunting Terms.

Let me know what you think below.

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