My friend, designer Ayse Birsel, recently taught me an incredibly powerful way to be more successful. Of course, as you know success is defined by the person who wants to achieve it. Success could be a new job, a better relationship with your spouse, a great school for your kids, a bigger salary, or all of the above. Everyone is different. This exercise will work for anyone! For me, success is achieving my mission: helping successful people get even better.
According to Ayse, our point of view informs how we think about something. Last year I was ranked the #1 Leadership Thinker and the #1 Executive Coach in the World. My book, Triggers, was a New York Times #1 bestseller. I have definitely achieved a high level of success in my mission! As a coach and executive educator, I am helping many successful organizations and leaders be more successful. As an author whose books reach millions of people, I believe I am helping many people achieve positive, lasting change for themselves.
Ayse suggested that I try a little exercise to expand my point of view, to look at myself and what I do and see differently. Of course, I did as she asked and the result has been phenomenal!
Why don’t you try this exercise now? (This exercise is Adapted from Design the Life You Love: A Step-by-Step Guide to Building a Meaningful Future, byAyse Birsel, published by Ten Speed Press, an imprint of Penguin Random House.)
Ayse says, “Here inspiration is a key tool. When designing your life inspiration takes the form of other people. I call them heroes—real or fictional—people we know personally or know of.”
“Just write your hero’s name, draw an icon for them, and list their qualities. You can have one or many heroes—list as many as you’d like and continue to add as new heroes come to mind. These heroes tell us something about our values, beliefs, and the kind of life we aspire to live. Many things can change in life but our values are a constant. They are the foundation of our life design.”
Now cross out your heroes’ names and put in your own name. To the degree possible, be a leader, manager, coach, person just like that, and you will be more successful!
In doing this exercise myself, I found that all of my heroes are generous teachers, like Buddha, Frances Hesselbein (former Girl Scout CEO), Alan Mulally (former Ford CEO), Peter Drucker (Father of Modern Management), and Paul Hersey (Co-creator of Situation Leadership®). Reflecting on what I learned from my heroes, I made a decision. I decided that just like my many teachers before me, I will give to others what has been so freely given to me.
How will I do this? With my new project 15 Coaches. 15 Coaches is my legacy project. I am going to teach 15 people everything I know, for free! This is my chance to honor the many wonderful teachers and heroes that I have had over the years and to give to others as they gave to me. If you would like more details, please go to http://www.marshallgoldsmith.com/15-coaches/.
These are great! Its amazing to see how his appearance has changed over the years: it reminds me of Sarah Beeney's changing forms in her property programmes. Don't let it spoil the message...
Change is an unavoidable constant in our work lives. Sometimes it’s within our control, but most often it’s not. Our jobs or roles change — and not always for the better. Our organizations undergo reorgs and revamp their strategies, and we need to adjust.
Fortunately, there are ways to adapt to change, and even to take advantage of it.
Find the humor in the situation. Trying to find a funny moment during an otherwise unfunny situation can be a fantastic way to create the levity needed to see a vexing problem from a new perspective. It can help others feel better as well.
Pioneering humor researcher Rod A. Martin, who has studied the effects of different styles of humor, has found that witty banter, or “affiliative humor,” can lighten the mood and improve social interaction. Just make sure it’s inclusive and respectful. A good rule of thumb is that other people’s strife is no laughing matter, but your own struggles can be a source of comedic gold.
Talk about problems more than feelings. One of the most common myths of coping with unwanted changes is the idea that we can “work through” our anger, fears, and frustrations by talking about them a lot. This isn’t always the case. In fact, research shows that actively and repeatedly broadcasting negative emotions hinders our natural adaptation processes.
That’s not to say you should just “suck it up” or ignore your troubles. Instead, call out your anxiety or your anger at the outset of a disorienting change so that you are aware of how it might distort your thinking or disrupt your relationships. Then look for practical advice about what to do next. By doing so, you’ll zero in on the problems you can solve, instead of lamenting the ones you can’t.
Don’t stress out about stressing out. Our beliefs about stress matter. As Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal argues in The Upside of Stress, your reaction to stress has a greater impact on your health and success than the stress itself. If you believe stress kills you, it will. If you believe stress is trying to carry you over a big obstacle or through a challenging situation, you’ll become more resilient and may even live longer.
When you start to feel stressed, ask yourself what your stress is trying to help you accomplish. Is stress trying to help you excel at an important task, like a sales presentation or a big interview? Is it trying to help you endure a period of tough market conditions or a temporary shift in your organizational structure? Is it trying to help you empathize with a colleague or a customer? Or is stress to trying to help you successfully exit a toxic situation?
Focus on your values instead of your fears. Reminding ourselves of what’s important to us — family, friends, religious convictions, scientific achievement, great music, creative expression, and so on — can create a surprisingly powerful buffer against whatever troubles may be ailing us.
In a series of studies spanning more than a decade, researchers led by Geoffrey Cohen and David Sherman have shown how people of all ages in a range of circumstances, from new schools and new relationships to new jobs, can strengthen their minds with a simple exercise: spending 10 minutes writing about a time when a particular value you hold has positively affected you.
The technique works because reflecting on a personal value helps us rise above the immediate threat, and makes us realize that our personal identity can’t be compromised by one challenging situation.
Accept the past, but fight for the future. Even though we are never free from change, we are always free to decide how we respond to it.
Viktor Frankl championed this idea after returning home from three horrific years in Nazi death camps. He discovered that his mother, brother, wife, and unborn child were all dead. Everything in his life had changed. All that he loved was lost. But as fall became winter and winter gave way to spring, Frankl began to discover that even though he could never go back to the life he once had, he was still free to meet new friends, find new love, become a father again, work with new patients, enjoy music, and read books. Frankl called his hope in the face of despair “tragic optimism.”
Frankl’s story is an extreme example, of course, but that’s all the more reason why we should find inspiration from it. If we fixate on the limitations of a specific change, we inevitably succumb to worry, bitterness, and despair.
Instead, we should choose to accept the fact that change happens, and employ our freedom to decide what to do next.
Don’t expect stability. In the late 1970s a researcher at the University of Chicago named Salvatore Maddi began studying employees at Illinois Bell. Soon after, the phone industry was deregulated, and the company had to undergo a lot of changes. Some managers had trouble coping. Others thrived. What separated the two groups?
The adaptive leaders chose to view all changes, whether wanted or unwanted, as an expected part of the human experience, rather than as a tragic anomaly that victimizes unlucky people. Instead of feeling personally attacked by ignorant leaders, evil lawmakers, or an unfair universe, they remained engaged in their work and spotted opportunities to fix long-standing problems with customer service and to tweak antiquated pricing structures.
In contrast, Maddi found that the struggling leaders were consumed by thoughts of “the good old days.” They spent their energy trying to figure out why their luck had suddenly turned sour. They tried to bounce back to a time and a place that no longer existed.
Although each of these six techniques requires different skills to pull off — and you’ll probably gravitate toward some more than others — there’s one thing that you must do if you want to be more successful at dealing with change: accept it.
Insecurity is a beast. Not really, of course – it just feels like it can wrap you around its finger like a professional wrestler and twist your insides into a pretzel. Like all other feelings, insecurity is made up of thought in the moment – in my case most commonly “what if?” scenarios as I drive myself crazy trying to solve problems I don’t yet (and may never) have.
As I began to see the inside-out nature of our personal reality more clearly, I noticed my insecure thinking ran the show inside my head less often. It became more of a “featured player”, coming in to do a dance number from time to time but no longer the star attraction. I relaxed inside to a level I’d rarely felt before.
When I tried to articulate what had shifted inside me, a phrase came to mind that still has great meaning to me:
"I know what to do when I don’t know what to do."
There is always a risk that in articulating an insight, people will gorge themselves on the fruit of that insight without ever allowing the seed it grew from to take root inside them. But by the same token, sometimes it’s only after tasting the fruit that one can truly recognize the value of the seed. So here’s what I know to do when I don’t know what to do. There’s not much to it, but I hope you’ll find it helpful…
1. Settle down
Were you ever told to “count to 10” before speaking when you get angry or upset?
Or to take a few deep breaths to gather yourself and regain your bearings before trying to solve a problem or resolve a conflict?
The reason these bits of advice are so common anywhere in the world is that they are rooted in a simple truth It’s the same truth behind why people have their best ideas in the shower or while out for a walk or on holiday, and why no matter how smart we are at our best, we all behave like idiots from time to time.
There is an ever-present responsive intelligence inside us – an impersonal property of what we might call “the universal Mind”. All human beings have ready access to this common sense, but it can become obscured when our thinking runs amok. The moment our personal thinking settles down, we can more easily see and hear the wisdom within.
Think of the mind like the ocean – continually changing on the surface, hidden currents underneath the surface, and absolute stillness underneath that. The wisdom that will guide us forward is already there underneath the waves of our personal thinking; the wisdom that will take us deeper is already there in the stillness and depths of our soul.
Which is why the most powerful way I know how to use the mind is this…
2. Listen
One of my mentors recently pointed out that with all the time I spend reading books, I have no time left to “read consciousness”. What I saw in that metaphoric observation was that at some level, I still value the articulation of insight in others more than the unfolding of wisdom inside myself.
Whenever I take the time to get quiet and just listen, it’s amazing what comes through. I don’t even need to ask a question – I just let my thoughts settle as best I can and new ideas and insights bubble up into the space within.
This receptive capacity of the mind tends to be undervalued in our culture, but throughout history, the greatest thinkers and leaders have been the ones willing to do what researcher Cal Newport calls “deep work” – escaping the constant noise of the world around them to reflect more deeply on the emergent wisdom within them.
When we are willing to put down what we already think we know and let something new come through, we begin to live insightfully. Instead of chewing on the cud of our own knowledge, we dine instead on the fresh green grass of our deeper wisdom. And what we are able to produce on a steady diet of healthy insight is really quite remarkable.
I’ll finish with a piece of advice from Syd Banks, the enlightened Scottish welder who I reference so often in these blogs. When asked for the “ultimate answer” to all of life’s questions, he responded with these words:
“What you’re searching for is a silent mind – a state of no-thought…What you do is you get a silent mind, then you go inside – you have a realization of this wisdom that lies within… then bingo, you get it. And when you get it, it enhances your life. If you just enjoy yourself, stop looking for any more, you silence your mind to a state of no-thought. Then divine thought comes in… and you have the answer.”
May you rest in peace in the silence of your mind and may the wisdom within you illuminate the world around you.
No matter who it is making it, I always hear the same lament. CEOs of companies tell me they are overworked. Farmers back in my home village in southern India say they have no time. We can all complain that we are under the tyranny of schedules, that there is no time in our day. Each of us can say that much of our life is driven by someone else’s agenda or outside pressures—things we have to do, things we would like to do, things we are expected to do.
When I graduated from business school, I had a terrible time organizing my day. Seven days a week, work was my number-one priority. I fed on the thrill of accomplishments. I dashed to meetings, raced to meet flights, ate whatever food was given to me—airline food and conference food, which is terrible stuff. My house was a mess—stacks of bills that I was too busy to open, let alone pay, suitcases half unpacked from the last trip and partially packed for the next. A few times my phone was cut off or my credit card declined. Not because I didn’t have the money, but because I was trying to focus so much on my work and travel that I didn’t have the time to pay bills. It was embarrassing, as though I couldn’t take control of my own life. This chaos went on for quite a long time—almost a year—until I reached my breaking point, and started asking myself,
Why am I living this life? What is the purpose of it? What am I trying to do here?And what is the price I am paying? My life had become travel, bad food, and not enough exercise and meditation. And I realized that I had to reprioritize.
I asked myself, If I only had a few hours—or just one hour— fully under my control, what would be the one thing I would do with it that would maximize this quality of joy, presence, and life? What would support my five essentials on a day-to-day basis? I came up with ten items. As the list developed, the idea switched from a theoretical notion to a tactical way to structure my days that would support what’s important to me in my life, what resonates and brings me joy.
Your list of how to spend your hours in each day might contain different items with different priorities. My list has changed my life, and I’d like to share it with you.
1. Sleep at least 8 hours a night
If I had a few hours to spend as I wished, then the first choice I would make would be to spend those hours sleeping. Ideally for eight hours. Sleeping dictates how we feel physically and emotionally, which affects our level of joy. We violate that simple rule and the laws of nature can respond with ruthless brutality.
2. Eat Mindfully
We all know that what we put into our bodies can support or sabotage our well-being, our state of happiness, our joy, our energy, our health, how well we think, and our creativity. Conscious nutrition means we’re mindful of what we put between our lips. I’d love to say I’m 100 percent conscious all the time, but I’m not. I recall attending an official business dinner in my first job after college, and getting carried away with my business colleagues, bingeing on the free food and alcohol, and staying up late. Spicy Madrasi, Old Monk rum and Coke, and aloo parataha—talk about sabotage. I’ll never forget the embarrassment of nodding off the next day in a meeting with my boss and a senior executive of Indian Railways. Whether we grow our own food, cook our own food, or even just eat food made by somebody else—it’s important to choose and eat our food consciously and mindfully. So if I had just another 30 minutes to play with, I would shop mindfully and choose my meals with care.
3. Move Your Body
If I had another hour, or even less, I would pick exercise as my next-highest priority. Exercise fuels my physical and mental energy. Often when I’m traveling, I can’t fit in the full hour, so I might practice a bit of yoga, maybe three or four sun salutations on a towel in my hotel room, or squeeze in 30 laps in the small hotel pool. This method works for me. You might prefer another method. Whatever you do—swim, walk, run in the hills, practice yoga, dance, or play tennis—I think it’s essential to find a form of movement that delights you.
4. Meditate
If I found another 20 minutes available, what would I choose? Meditation. My meditation practice guides me personally and sets the tone for the rest of the day. It fills me with joy and allows me to clear my head of noise and clutter, bringing a level of clarity to my mental processes that allows me to operate at peak performance. Often I have to get creative about my meditation, and I can’t always meditate before I begin my day. For example, since my job requires so much travel, I find time to meditate on the plane during those 15 minutes during takeoff, when all electronics are turned off, there is no service, and it’s very quiet.
5. Give Time To Those You Love
The next thing I added to my list was love—the thoughts and actions that generate love inside me, and giving time to those I love. Many might ask, “Shouldn’t love be number one on the list?” I’ve put it fifth, because if I’ve not slept well, eaten well, exercised, and then found time for a little bit of mindful meditation, I can’t be present and in a state of high energy and joy with myself or my loved ones. I can’t operate at an optimal and peak state of love. My philosophy is no different from that of the airlines. Think about what all flight attendants tell you before takeoff: “Put on your oxygen mask first before helping someone else.”
6. Complete Small Tasks
What is the one thing I would choose to focus on with my next chunk of time? Taking care of the stuff in my life. When I say “stuff,” I mean mail, dishes, and day-to-day chores that I need to take care of to keep my life running smoothly. These tasks aren’t urgent or life shattering, but if I let all of them pile up, they start interfering with how I feel and how I perform.
7. Focus At Work
The next item that made my simple list is work. Now, don’t tell my employer that my work ranks seventh. Many would put work at the top of the list, but I feel that if I take care of numbers one through six, I’m a much better performer, I deliver a higher quality of work in less time, and I find my work much more fulfilling. Give it a try. I think you’ll find that everyone benefits. You benefit, your company benefits, your co-workers benefit, and your boss should be super happy.
8. Spend Time On Passions
If I had another hour left, the one thing I would do is focus on my passions. There are things that move me, things I do because I love them, not because I have to do them or I am going to make a living out of them (although my work is also one of my passions). I have many passions—public speaking, for example, teaching yoga, singing kirtan music. So if there is an hour left in my calendar, then I put it into my passions.
9. Learn New Things
Whether it’s playing the harmonium, producing a TV show, cooking vegetarian food, or open-water swimming, learning helps me realize new possibilities and expand my universe.
10. Be Of Service
If I were lucky enough to have any time left, I would spend that time in acts of service to my community, acts that draw my energy outward. For me, that time might be teaching my yoga class at Google, simply hosting my friends for a cup of tea or dinner at home, or organizing an art project for the Burning Man community. You might work with your church, or volunteer at your kids’ school, or help out at a shelter. Or maybe you devote your time to an act that’s less structured, such as taking the time to reach out and call a friend you have not spoken with in a long while, or practicing random acts of kindness to connect with others, creating a sense of community.
Incorporating this list into my daily life shapes how I feel as a human being, and it increases my focus and sense of accomplishment. I become more conscious of investing my time in a manner that maximizes my energy potential. Once you create your list and start following it, once you consciously spend your 24 hours each day, I believe you will enjoy increased physical energy and operate at a higher level of performance and productivity. You will alter your perception of time and change how you view what you should focus on. And most important, you will live a life of greater joy and presence.
This is an incredibly inspirational film. If you haven't seen it before, take the time to watch it now, and discover the power of simple unwavering self belief! Let me know what you think!
